Mother Blessings and Work Drama

On Monday, my mom sent me an email asking if lasagna was good for something for her to bring down for us. I said yes. Lasagna would be yummy, as would her American spaghetti and chicken and rice casserole. I was teasing, but she took me seriously.

I told Chris what she was bringing down, and he piped in, "and her beef stew?" I said I'd rather die than ask my mom to make a fourth meal for us. Knowing her, she'd bring down the ingredients and get it going in our slow cooker.

She really is such a blessing. Did I mention that she's buying me a winter jacket?

My mom is coming down early this morning. ("I plan on leaving extra early tomorrow. What is the earliest you'll let me in?" "We get up at 5:30.") She's bringing lots of food, and she's staying until early afternoon when she gets back on the road to travel to another house with grandchildren where she will fulfill more Nana duties.

Yesterday was odd for me. Chris forwarded an email he had received from work about a drastic, extensive re-organization that is taking place in my old department. Every single position is affected by the re-org. As I looked through the workflow charts, my mind boggled. I could feel my blood pressure rising and a panic attack coming on.

I was in a dither and very anxious for a whole thirty minutes until I told myself that it's not my problem anymore. It's nothing I have to be stressed over because I don't work there anymore. I paced back and forth with Anna for ten minutes, repeating aloud to myself, "I am a stay-at-home mom. I do not work at [Company Name] anymore."

I left my laptop alone for a while and stopped emailing back and forth with my old boss. I washed dishes and folded laundry. A few hours later when I picked the laptop back up, I looked at the org charts downloaded to my desktop and sighed. With relief, I think.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I think I'd been pretending that I'm just on maternity leave. Especially now that Anna's here, it's pretty easy to imagine that. In that skewed reality, the re-org would be traumatizing since I dislike change so much. In the actual reality of my life, the re-org is inconsequential. Sure, it will make my friends stressed out for a while, but it's really not my problem anymore.

My job is to nurture and care for my children. I don't proof pages anymore. I am a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not going back to work for years.