Having a Second Baby, Internal Argument

Yesterday afternoon I spent a lot of time online trying to figure out the arguments for and against having another child. Yes, I'm obsessing about this. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to obsess about. Other mommies in Ben's play group are talking about second children, or are already pregnant.

I'm having such misgivings about it, though. I'm worried about the cost, yes, but mostly because it'll change a lot of things. We won't be able to fit two car seats in our car, at least not the same infant seat we had for Ben. We had to put that one in the middle because the handle had to be down, and we couldn't fit it behind either of the seats. So unless we can find a magical car seat that can go behind one of the passenger seats, we'd have to get a new car. That presents a problem. Our budget is incredibly tight as it is, and we don't have a car payment currently, since Chester's car is paid off. I know it's one of the issues that we could work around, but it's still there.

Ben's daycare costs don't decrease until he's two. At even then, I don't think it's a significant decrease. Currently, 40% of my take-home pay goes to daycare. It doesn't make sense for me to be working if we have two kids in daycare.

I love babies so much, but I know that no matter how many of my own I have, that feeling is never going to go away. Growing up, I always thought I wanted five kids. Five was the magic number. Chester and I talked about two births, and then adopting the rest.

Aw hell. I don't know. For now, I'll just keep taking my birth control pills. Maybe I'll feel differently in six months or so. Of course, being Cheryl, I will probably start worrying about this decision in another couple weeks when I would start another round of birth control.

Should Ben have a little brother or a little sister? A little Spencer or Somerset? Would I find room in my life for another baby? Would I ever sleep again?