Monday, April 30, 2007

Lost That Loving Feeling

Not quite, but sometimes it's hard.

I'm just starting to get my libido back in gear after the first trimester slump. I had no desire for sex, and I didn't even want to be bothered with putting up with it for my husband's sake. I pretty much just said, "Leave me alone," and rolled over.

Then HB happened again. He's my flirt friend at work. Even though I know he flirts with pretty much every lady at the company, I still get a special feeling when he tosses a compliment my way. Face it, I'm not traditionally beautiful. I'm overweight with moderate-to-severe acne. I don't really have a self-esteem problem; I just know not to expect the fawning attention and admiring glances that my more attractive counterparts receive.

So even if HB doesn't reserve his compliments for me alone, it didn't stop me from developing a tiny crush. I get all flushed with excitement when he says something especially nice. And usually, the attention makes me more receptive to my husband.

But Friday night, instead of cuddling up closer to him, we fought. I don't even remember what it was about. I just remember crying myself to sleep and feeling oh-so lonely and wishing I had someone who wasn't such a jerk and who appreciated me... like HB.

Mind you, adultery makes me want to vomit. There's no chance in hell I'd respond to romantic gestures from someone other than my husband. So on Saturday, I had a tiny epiphany.

You're stuck with your spouse, and you have to try to get what you need from that person or you have to adjust your needs.

So that's what I told my husband. He's been complaining A LOT lately about how emotional I've been. And I told him he'd have to adjust his expectations. I'm pregnant, and I'm hormonal and emotional. I'll do my best to be nice to him and to Ben, but there are some attitudes I can't control immediately. I told him that if he gets frustrated, he should take me up on my offers to stay home with Ben while he goes for a bike ride.

I made him go for two bike rides over the weekend, and it really helped. Spending time apart, even for just an hour, helped.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I wasn't getting from Chester, and I didn't overanalyze the point. I think just keeping the new mantra in my head helped me feel better about our relationship.

And my dreams became sweeter. And I finally came back to the proverbial marriage bed with love and joy and did what married people are allowed to do. The crazy circus sex dream helped, though.