Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The First Day on the Job

On the outset, let me remind you all that I'm 30 weeks pregnant and VERY hormonal. Add into that equation that I despise change, even when it's good, and I have a toddler who is going through a life upheaval and transition of his own. Although I'm slightly ashamed at what happened yesterday, a part of me understands and forgives me.

Ben woke up at 5:45 yesterday, right after I had put our big Finnish pancake in the oven to bake for breakfast. The next hour went smoothly. But by 7 o'clock, I was bawling my eyes out onto Chris's shoulder, keening with desire to bring Ben to daycare and to go back to my cubicle at work.

To set the scene, we finally got our dining room put back together after a month and a half of painting it when we found time and felt up to it. It's red now, and very beautiful, though we haven't taken the tape down yet. I also bought a bookcase to put in there so we'd finally have a home for all of Ben's videos and books. Do you see where this is going?

Chris and I showed him the game where we put the items in tidy little piles and stacks and arrange things nicely on the shelves. Ben, however, thinks it's way more fun to pull things off the shelves and toss them around the room. I tried twice to show him the proper way to play with the stuff, but he grew more frustrated and adamant about it, and threw the books aside with more fury. I gave him a timeout, but he went right back to the task when he was done.

Enter Chris, looking all handsome and put together, smelling clean and fresh, ready for work. Picture me, hadn't showered since Saturday, in my ten-year-old, tissue thin pajamas, unshaved legs, morning breath, sitting in the corner of the bed that's in the dining room, just staring at Ben with a glassy-eyed expression.

And I cried a lot. I actually said I wished I had a different boy to take care of if I had to be a SAHM. Chris took charge and held Ben while they put the stuff back on the shelves. I kept crying, and Ben came and gave me a couple of hugs and kisses. The mood quieted, and Chris went to work.

The rest of the day was better, of course. I grew rather stir crazy just sitting around, and the urge to nest was intense. I washed dishes, moved furniture, swept, mopped, packed donation bags, carried boxes up to the attic, cleared out the front entry closet, put in a shelving system in there, folded laundry, made lunch and dinner, tickled a small boy and watch a lot of children's programs on TV.

I didn't have another meltdown, but the day felt a little lackluster. We'll get a routine, and we'll get used to being around each other 24/7, and then life will be better, right?