The Grindstone

The day actually came, and I survived. I started my ten weeks of temping yesterday.

It felt a little silly to fill out the pile of paperwork HR had for me. An application? Really? Are you kidding me? I worked here for four years, and you *asked* me to come back. I sucked in my pride and smuggly listed my former supervisors as business references.

Living in a cubicle again? Eh. It made my body feel slow and stagnant. I kept getting the urge to jog down the aisles, just to get a little activity. I think I'm definitely going to have to make time for walks around the building, or I might go crazy.

Seeing my old friends? Awesome. Loved the compliments. Loved talking about how much my kids have grown. Loved hearing how everyone is doing.

Proofreading? Thrilling. I couldn't believe how quickly my brain flipped back into that mode and how much I remembered. I didn't have any of my favorite brands of red pens, so that was quite frustrating, but that's easily remedied.

Working in the same building as my husband again? Fan-freakin'-tastic. We both marveled at how much we missed that... being able to visit each other, to pick up the phone and say "hey." I really appreciated calling him for personal tech services support, even though it's not his job anymore. "Honey, my email isn't working, and those silly guys on the help desk are too busy to get over here right now."

Being away from the children? Awful. It felt so wrong, and it didn't help that Anna boycotting eating yesterday. Other than a little mommy snack on my lunch break, she only drank 1.5 oz total while I was at work. She wasn't fussy and acting hungry, but it still gave me pause. Why wouldn't she eat? She drinks bottles for us in the evenings, but she refused them during the day.

But Ben loved being with Nana. She's very attentive and fun, and they went on marathon stroller walks around the neighborhood and to the park. And Anna was happy as a lark hanging out with her.

So how does it feel to work again? Mixed. I'm grateful for the opportunity, and I loved my old job. It's just for the summer, and I won't have to put the kids in daycare, so that's a relief. It's nice to feel like a grown-up again; it made me feel pretty and powerful. On the other hand, I was itching to hug and kiss my kids, to figure out a casserole for dinner with only three ingredients in our pantry, to start the next phase of the quilting project, to hang clothes on the line, to nap with the kids in the afternoon.

What it all comes down to, though, is that I'm a little sad in my heart, but I know that there are so many more good reasons to work this summer.