The Prospective of Being Fat AND Pregnant

I'm bummed because I have to pull some overtime this week to make my deadlines. I resent any time away from Ben. I wuv the widdle guy.

Speaking of whom, he didn't even flinch when he got his flu shot this morning. I told him beforehand that it was okay to cry, that I wouldn't call him a wuss or a cry-baby.

Finally spoke to the daycare assistant manager today. I asked if there was any way we could get a discount for the second baby. She said she'll talk to the director. What sucks is that we're one of maybe five families there who actually pay out of pocket. Most of the families receive government assistance, and it makes me yearn for some of that myself. If we don't qualify for aid, why is it so hard to spend so much a month on child care?

Anyway. Life goes on. Right?

I'm trying to decrease my food intake a little. I know I eat too much, and it's tough to discipline myself to only eating about half of what I used to. I've been snacking on pretzels to try to stave off hunger. Smaller portions are nice, but I really like food. Large portions and poor choices are what got me to this weight though, and I hate the idea of being morbidly obese AND pregnant.

I know I'm not going to be able to lose enough any time soon to get me into a healthy weight range, but at least I'll have a plan and will keep myself from ballooning up even more when I'm further into my pregnancy. With Ben, I was so sick during the first trimester, I lost 12 pounds to put me at a low weight of 222. When he was born, I was 260. I lost most of it right away, and I was back to 225 within two months, but I gained most of it back after going back to work. Now I'm at 250.

It's sad. It took me longer to "show" with Ben because he had to poke out from the layers of fat first. By the time I was six months pregnant, though, I was getting huge. You could definitely tell I was pregnant. Before then, I was just a fluffy fat girl who looked pathetic in maternity clothes.

Hey, at least Lane Bryant is coming out with a maternity line in December.