Here's a more detailed version of Anna's birth story.
I was sound asleep when I felt the subtle "pop" down below that reminded me of Ben's "pop." Chris was still at work, as he is every Saturday night. I stayed in bed, not moving, holding my breath in wonder. After about three minutes, I had a sharp contraction that felt more painful than the ones I usually had in bed. When I shifted position to get out of bed to use the restroom, I felt the gush of water that confirmed my suspicion that my membranes had ruptured.
I waddled to the bathroom, fluid leaking slowly down my legs. After spending a minute on the toilet, releasing more of the water, I went slowly into action. I called Chris at work and told him it was "go time." I called my mother to tell her it was Anna's birthday. She needed to be called since she was going to be Ben's childcare during the labor and delivery process.
Since I hadn't taken a shower at all on Saturday, I stripped down and climbed on in, washing quickly and enjoying the warm water through a couple more contractions. Chris came home while I was in there, and boy, was he mad that I was on my feet. I told him to bite me. I said it could be hours before I delivered, and I didn't want to be stinky through that whole ordeal.
While Chris was running around like a headless chicken, packing our still unpacked hospital bag, gathering clothes for me to wear, etc., I dried off and got dressed again, then again since I quickly soaked my pants when the next contraction provided another deluge of fluid. Chris woke up Ben and got him bundled into his jacket and blanket, and we all piled into the car with me sitting on a much-needed towel.
I was contracting every three minutes, and they were quite uncomfortable. I was irritable and snapping at Chris for talking to me while I was concentrating. We live ten minutes from the birthing center, so the trip didn't take long. He got me a wheelchair, and our little family rode the elevator to that wonderful destination where they provide epidurals and drugs.
By the time I got undressed and into bed, my contractions were awful. The first thing I said to my nurse was that I wanted the epidural ordered as soon as possible. She said we'd have to wait for my doctor to get there and she'd have to check my dilation. Soon, I was contracting every two minutes, and I was crying and wailing through each one. The nurse checked me and said she had good news and bad news. The bad news was that there wouldn't be time for an epidural, and the good news was that I was already 8 centimeters dilated. I cried even harder.
Mind you, poor Ben was in the room for this whole thing. He was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room, bundled in his cuddle blanket, watching all the flurry. My mom lives 75 minutes away, but we were expecting hours of labor and time for drugs, so we hadn't arranged any immediate childcare for Ben. That was a mistake. By 2:40, I was screaming with every contraction, begging for drugs over and over again. The nurses took Ben out to the nurses station where he stayed and played catch with them and played happily.
Everything went so quickly, though it felt like an eternity to me at the time. I was on my left side, hanging onto the side rail for dear life while my body put me through the most awful agonies. Chris stayed behind me, massaging my low back as hard as he could. The only time I even felt like talking to him was to hurt him for yelling at me to breathe through the contractions. I couldn't concentrate enough to breathe. I have a low tolerance for pain, and I was in a total panic with how intense "transitioning" was.
Around 3:15, amid the terrible spasms, I felt a sudden burning down below, and my instinct was to crawl out of my body, away from the pain. I screamed, "The baby is coming!," and my nurse told me that it wasn't possible since the doctor wasn't even there yet. I told her I didn't think that would matter, and a whole rush of people came into the room, rushing to get ready. My doctor walked in at that moment and quickly suited up while everybody was yelling at me not to push. I still don't know how women manage not to push in moments like that. My body was acting on its own, and I had no control over it. I did manage to not push really hard, and they did get the bottom of the bed removed, my feet into stirrups and an incredibly quick cervical exam to verify that I was complete.
Five seconds later, another contraction rocked my body, and I pushed with all my might. I took a quick breath and pushed hard again, and in the middle of that push, Anna shot out like a torpedo. There wasn't a delay after the head was delivered where they could suck out her nose and mouth. There wasn't a pause for the next contraction. I felt a rush of pressure and felt her slithering out, all slick and bumpy. The ring of fire people talk about had happened before I had even gotten into position, since I was already crowning when I screamed that she was coming.
She was quickly put in an isolette where they rubbed her and sucked out all the gunk and vigorously handled her until she cried. They kept working on her while my doctor stood in front of me with her gloved fingers in my whacker, massaging me until I had another contraction when I expelled the placenta. They swaddled Anna and let me hold her for a second before they took her to the NICU.
My OB was shocked by the state of my placenta. She said it was what a 41-week placenta should look like. Very calcified and aged. "No wonder you delivered at 34 weeks." She hypothesized that I had probably never implanted very well.
She worked on cleaning me up, and ended up having to put in a row of stitches almost a centimeter long. Since I delivered so quickly, my skin had absolutely no time to stretch, and I ripped right open. Oh well.
After it was all over, I was just in shock as to how quickly everything went. And I was just a little miffed that once again, I probably wouldn't get a lot of respect from my friends about my childbirth experience. With Ben, I wimped out and had an epidural, so that birth didn't count. With Anna, sure it was natural, but it only lasted an hour and a half. :)
My mom arrived about 15 minutes after the birth, much to her shock and sheer surprise. She stayed for about 30 minutes until she and Chris got the go-ahead to see Anna for the first time in the NICU. Ben was wired like a top, and she took him home to wind down and sleep.
So where are things now? Anna was on her CPAP oxygen machine all day, though I went into the NICU often to hold her hand and touch her and marvel over how damn cute she is. Surprisingly dark hair and perfect features. They finally took her off the machine around 6 pm this evening, and they'll let me feed her tonight at 9. I've been pumping all day to get a supply going, and I'm looking forward to getting her to latch on so we can stop washing the darn pump parts.
Ben has visited me a few times when my mom brought over visitors, but he won't be able to see Anna until she's in my room and out of the NICU.
I can hardly wait to hold her close and nuzzle her. I've been beaming all day, happy as a lark and oh so proud. I have a daughter!
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Sunday, October 14, 2007
She's Here!
I'll write out a full birth story later, but for now, I'll just share the main points.
I kept contracting on Friday and yesterday, even with the procardia. My bedrest became more total, but I wasn't very uncomfortable.
My water broke last night around 1:45. We got to the hospital at 2:15. I was 8 centimeters dilated already, and they cruelly refused to even consider giving me any pain medication. :) Jerks.
At 3:15, my doctor hadn't come in the room yet, but I felt Anna crowning. I screamed, "That baby's coming," and involuntarily started pushing while they were shifting me over onto my back. My doctor jumped into her scrubs and quickly checked my cervix, but Anna was halfway through the canal already. It took a push and a half to get her out. She was born at 3:20.
6 lbs. 8 oz.
18.5 in.
She's doing quite well, considering how early she is. She's on an oxygen machine, and I haven't been able to hold her yet, though I get to talk to her and touch her a lot.
Isn't that a kick in the pants? Such an insanely quick labor. I'm doing okay. Started pumping already, and I'm already expressing a decent amount. Anna should be off of the machines by tomorrow morning.
I kept contracting on Friday and yesterday, even with the procardia. My bedrest became more total, but I wasn't very uncomfortable.
My water broke last night around 1:45. We got to the hospital at 2:15. I was 8 centimeters dilated already, and they cruelly refused to even consider giving me any pain medication. :) Jerks.
At 3:15, my doctor hadn't come in the room yet, but I felt Anna crowning. I screamed, "That baby's coming," and involuntarily started pushing while they were shifting me over onto my back. My doctor jumped into her scrubs and quickly checked my cervix, but Anna was halfway through the canal already. It took a push and a half to get her out. She was born at 3:20.
6 lbs. 8 oz.
18.5 in.
She's doing quite well, considering how early she is. She's on an oxygen machine, and I haven't been able to hold her yet, though I get to talk to her and touch her a lot.
Isn't that a kick in the pants? Such an insanely quick labor. I'm doing okay. Started pumping already, and I'm already expressing a decent amount. Anna should be off of the machines by tomorrow morning.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
My New Job
I'm no longer a stay-at-home mom. I'm a stay-at-home pregnant lady.
I was discharged this morning with a prescription for procardia to relax my uterus. I'm on total bedrest with bathroom privileges.
So how does a mother of a toddler go on complete bedrest? Yeah. I don't know. For now, my mom is taking my precious sweet boy home with her until tomorrow night. Chris will be here over the weekend. And next week, we'll play it by ear. My mom can come down a couple times at the beginning of the week, and we might have to have Ben go back to daycare closer to the end of the week.
I will be bored out of my mind without Ben here to keep me company. While I was in the hospital, I started working on some concepts for Anna's birth announcements. What's the use of having a mommy with reasonable graphic design abilities if you don't get kick ass announcements? As a special offer to my readers, if you'd like to receive one, just leave a comment and I'll contact you by email to get your address.
My hospital stay got rather exciting yesterday afternoon. After my magnesium was increased because I was dilating and thinning, I started getting really nauseated and uncomfortable. Felt like I either had to vomit or crap my butt out. I managed to have a BM, but things only went downhill after that. I got so groggy and pale and shaky. Chris pressed the call light when my skin color turned pale yellow. By the time the nurse came in, I was almost unconscious. I remember lots of panic and things happening around me, but I couldn't for the life of me respond very well to anybody. I couldn't take anything but very shallow breaths and my eyes wouldn't stay open. Very odd feeling.
It was a small room meant for mothers who are recovering from c-sections, so when all of a sudden there were three or four nurses in the room, scrambling, it was loud, bright and chaotic. My nurse stopped my magnesium drip right away and ordered a stat blood draw for mag levels. I got an oxygen mask. After about fifteen or twenty minutes off of the magnesium, I started coming around again. It was a slow climb, but eventually I was better. It was about an hour before I could walk again, so I had the indignity of using a bedpan. I was perfectly normal two hours later.
The weirdest part of the whole debacle was that my mag levels weren't toxic, I just started reacting very badly to it, even at the normal level. They can't explain it, but I don't think I was faking it or just trying to get attention.
While on the procardia from then on, the contractions were minimal and didn't extend throughout the uterus so they didn't show up on the monitor. By this morning, I had only had a handful of cramps overnight. So I got the greenlight to get the damn IV out of my hand. I HATE IVs. They hurt, they are uncomfortable, and I hate having to drag the IV stand with me into the bathroom.
Anyway. I'm home now. I might be blogging more often. Might not. It depends on if I come up with anything dazzling to say. In the meantime, enjoy a terrible picture of me in triage!
I was discharged this morning with a prescription for procardia to relax my uterus. I'm on total bedrest with bathroom privileges.
So how does a mother of a toddler go on complete bedrest? Yeah. I don't know. For now, my mom is taking my precious sweet boy home with her until tomorrow night. Chris will be here over the weekend. And next week, we'll play it by ear. My mom can come down a couple times at the beginning of the week, and we might have to have Ben go back to daycare closer to the end of the week.
I will be bored out of my mind without Ben here to keep me company. While I was in the hospital, I started working on some concepts for Anna's birth announcements. What's the use of having a mommy with reasonable graphic design abilities if you don't get kick ass announcements? As a special offer to my readers, if you'd like to receive one, just leave a comment and I'll contact you by email to get your address.
My hospital stay got rather exciting yesterday afternoon. After my magnesium was increased because I was dilating and thinning, I started getting really nauseated and uncomfortable. Felt like I either had to vomit or crap my butt out. I managed to have a BM, but things only went downhill after that. I got so groggy and pale and shaky. Chris pressed the call light when my skin color turned pale yellow. By the time the nurse came in, I was almost unconscious. I remember lots of panic and things happening around me, but I couldn't for the life of me respond very well to anybody. I couldn't take anything but very shallow breaths and my eyes wouldn't stay open. Very odd feeling.
It was a small room meant for mothers who are recovering from c-sections, so when all of a sudden there were three or four nurses in the room, scrambling, it was loud, bright and chaotic. My nurse stopped my magnesium drip right away and ordered a stat blood draw for mag levels. I got an oxygen mask. After about fifteen or twenty minutes off of the magnesium, I started coming around again. It was a slow climb, but eventually I was better. It was about an hour before I could walk again, so I had the indignity of using a bedpan. I was perfectly normal two hours later.
The weirdest part of the whole debacle was that my mag levels weren't toxic, I just started reacting very badly to it, even at the normal level. They can't explain it, but I don't think I was faking it or just trying to get attention.
While on the procardia from then on, the contractions were minimal and didn't extend throughout the uterus so they didn't show up on the monitor. By this morning, I had only had a handful of cramps overnight. So I got the greenlight to get the damn IV out of my hand. I HATE IVs. They hurt, they are uncomfortable, and I hate having to drag the IV stand with me into the bathroom.
Anyway. I'm home now. I might be blogging more often. Might not. It depends on if I come up with anything dazzling to say. In the meantime, enjoy a terrible picture of me in triage!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
A Mind of Her Own
So late yesterday afternoon, my Braxton-Hicks contractions changed in feeling. More like a burning. I called my OB's office to ask if I should do anything, and I was told to go to the birthing center to get checked.
I did. We were there by 4:45 pm. And I'm still here. My contractions were crazy regular, like every five to eight minutes. I was only dilated to a fingertip and very "thick", but they gave me shots of that "t" word stuff to try to halt the contractions. They didn't work, even after three doses.
I was off of drugs for the overnight for observation to see what would happen. I wasn't dilated anymore by morning, but my contractions weren't going away. My doctor ordered a course of magnesium and a shot of steroids to help Anna's lungs develop a bit more.
The magnesium hasn't been doing its job. An OB checked me around one, and I was dilated to two centimeters and thinning. They upped my dose of magnesium a bit, but there's not much else they'll try to do to stop labor from starting. I've been contracting regularly. They are tolerable, just uncomfortable. I'm only miserable because of the IV in my hand that hurts like hell and the fact that the IV makes me have to pee almost constantly and I can't just get up and go when I want because I'm hooked up to everything. (I refused the catheter.)
So tomorrow morning, they'll check me again. If I haven't dilated anymore, they'll probably send me home to wait for active labor to start. Isn't life interesting?
I did. We were there by 4:45 pm. And I'm still here. My contractions were crazy regular, like every five to eight minutes. I was only dilated to a fingertip and very "thick", but they gave me shots of that "t" word stuff to try to halt the contractions. They didn't work, even after three doses.
I was off of drugs for the overnight for observation to see what would happen. I wasn't dilated anymore by morning, but my contractions weren't going away. My doctor ordered a course of magnesium and a shot of steroids to help Anna's lungs develop a bit more.
The magnesium hasn't been doing its job. An OB checked me around one, and I was dilated to two centimeters and thinning. They upped my dose of magnesium a bit, but there's not much else they'll try to do to stop labor from starting. I've been contracting regularly. They are tolerable, just uncomfortable. I'm only miserable because of the IV in my hand that hurts like hell and the fact that the IV makes me have to pee almost constantly and I can't just get up and go when I want because I'm hooked up to everything. (I refused the catheter.)
So tomorrow morning, they'll check me again. If I haven't dilated anymore, they'll probably send me home to wait for active labor to start. Isn't life interesting?
Monday, October 08, 2007
Thunderstorm Invitation
I had a talk with the baby in my belly yesterday after I read the weather forecast. The forecast called for thunderstorms throughout the day on Monday (today) followed by a nice, long cold front.
And since I'm rather superstitious about today anyway, I told Anna that she was welcome to come on this fateful day.
There's a few reasons for this. 1. I love thunderstorms with a passion, and I think it'd be rather romantic to have a baby during one, especially when there's very little risk of the scary stuff like tornadoes. 2. Thunderstorms in October in Wisconsin are rather rare, and we probably won't get another chance. 3. It'll be the last hot day in a long time (hopefully months), and we don't have central air, but the hospital does. 4. Ben was born at the end of a three-day weekend, too, and this is our last three-day weekend before her due date.
Having explained all of this to Anna, it's entirely up to her. No pressure. She'll do whatever she wants to do, and if it won't be today, I'd rather she wait another couple of weeks.
When my doctor said she'd see me in two weeks, I almost scoffed at her and I had this insane idea to bet her fifty bucks that I'd see her at the birthing center before our next appointment. I didn't because I was depressed at the time and didn't have the energy for a witty exchange of words.
So anyway. At my last appointment, I asked for a bladder infection test. And since the nurse didn't give me any anti-septic wipes, I had a feeling the sample would be contaminated. And it was. But they did find yeast. Which means that I have a yeast infection. Now that news I wanted to argue with. I haven't had sex in over two months and I wasn't itchy or having the yucky discharge. But if yeast shows up, I must have an infection, so I have to treat it.
I hate treating a yeast infection almost more than having one (when I have the symptoms). I'm very sensitive to the creams, and it makes me burn. The cream inserts haven't been very effective for me in the past, but I certainly can't take the oral meds while I'm pregnant. Oh well. If I do go into labor this week, I feel bad for the nurses at the birthing center who will have to check me.
I'm thirty-four weeks now. Still very early, still in the preemie territory, but getting safer and safer every day.
This week should go by quickly. Chris is home from work today (thank you Mr. Columbus), Ben has a doctor's appointment that I have to take him to by myself tomorrow morning, and my mom is going to be in town on Wednesday.
Update: It's almost seven in the evening, and Anna hasn't initiated any real excitement (although I just realized that it's been three days since I had a bowel movement, and that's while on stool softeners, folks). Sure, there's a chance some fun stuff could still happen tonight, but I'd have to really hurry to get her out before midnight. And besides. There wasn't any thunder this afternoon, just a lot of rain. Such a letdown.
And since I'm rather superstitious about today anyway, I told Anna that she was welcome to come on this fateful day.
There's a few reasons for this. 1. I love thunderstorms with a passion, and I think it'd be rather romantic to have a baby during one, especially when there's very little risk of the scary stuff like tornadoes. 2. Thunderstorms in October in Wisconsin are rather rare, and we probably won't get another chance. 3. It'll be the last hot day in a long time (hopefully months), and we don't have central air, but the hospital does. 4. Ben was born at the end of a three-day weekend, too, and this is our last three-day weekend before her due date.
Having explained all of this to Anna, it's entirely up to her. No pressure. She'll do whatever she wants to do, and if it won't be today, I'd rather she wait another couple of weeks.
When my doctor said she'd see me in two weeks, I almost scoffed at her and I had this insane idea to bet her fifty bucks that I'd see her at the birthing center before our next appointment. I didn't because I was depressed at the time and didn't have the energy for a witty exchange of words.
So anyway. At my last appointment, I asked for a bladder infection test. And since the nurse didn't give me any anti-septic wipes, I had a feeling the sample would be contaminated. And it was. But they did find yeast. Which means that I have a yeast infection. Now that news I wanted to argue with. I haven't had sex in over two months and I wasn't itchy or having the yucky discharge. But if yeast shows up, I must have an infection, so I have to treat it.
I hate treating a yeast infection almost more than having one (when I have the symptoms). I'm very sensitive to the creams, and it makes me burn. The cream inserts haven't been very effective for me in the past, but I certainly can't take the oral meds while I'm pregnant. Oh well. If I do go into labor this week, I feel bad for the nurses at the birthing center who will have to check me.
I'm thirty-four weeks now. Still very early, still in the preemie territory, but getting safer and safer every day.
This week should go by quickly. Chris is home from work today (thank you Mr. Columbus), Ben has a doctor's appointment that I have to take him to by myself tomorrow morning, and my mom is going to be in town on Wednesday.
Update: It's almost seven in the evening, and Anna hasn't initiated any real excitement (although I just realized that it's been three days since I had a bowel movement, and that's while on stool softeners, folks). Sure, there's a chance some fun stuff could still happen tonight, but I'd have to really hurry to get her out before midnight. And besides. There wasn't any thunder this afternoon, just a lot of rain. Such a letdown.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
If a Baby Drops in the Forest
Yesterday morning, Anna dropped. She's now very engaged in my pelvis.
There's a few downsides to this. 1. I'm only 33 weeks, and with Ben, I dropped only four days before my water broke. 2. She's not a large baby like Ben was. I doubt she's even five pounds right now. 3. The extra pressure causes almost constant cervical spasms whenever I move, sometimes even when I'm just sitting. So now I can't walk around much and bending over is a joke.
My OB is on her honeymoon until tomorrow. I have an appointment tomorrow around lunch time. I wonder what she'll say about my silly baby.
Like rubbing salt into the wound, I'm also on stool softeners, but I still can't poop.
My dear mother is on a state-wide tour to visit her grandbabies. She has two in Green Bay, three in Oshkosh and of course one here in Wausau. That's not including the two that are gestating. Ben, Anna and I are on the itinerary for an overnight tonight and the whole day tomorrow. It'll be nice to have her here, especially since she'll be cooking the whole time she's here. Our meals, but also extra stuff we can freeze.
She's threatened to take Ben home with her for the rest of the week if the doctor is worried about Anna. I think I would go absolutely insane if I were stuck here in the house without Ben to keep me company. Right now he's playing kick the can with an empty soda can. It's very loud, and he loves loud activities.
There's a few downsides to this. 1. I'm only 33 weeks, and with Ben, I dropped only four days before my water broke. 2. She's not a large baby like Ben was. I doubt she's even five pounds right now. 3. The extra pressure causes almost constant cervical spasms whenever I move, sometimes even when I'm just sitting. So now I can't walk around much and bending over is a joke.
My OB is on her honeymoon until tomorrow. I have an appointment tomorrow around lunch time. I wonder what she'll say about my silly baby.
Like rubbing salt into the wound, I'm also on stool softeners, but I still can't poop.
My dear mother is on a state-wide tour to visit her grandbabies. She has two in Green Bay, three in Oshkosh and of course one here in Wausau. That's not including the two that are gestating. Ben, Anna and I are on the itinerary for an overnight tonight and the whole day tomorrow. It'll be nice to have her here, especially since she'll be cooking the whole time she's here. Our meals, but also extra stuff we can freeze.
She's threatened to take Ben home with her for the rest of the week if the doctor is worried about Anna. I think I would go absolutely insane if I were stuck here in the house without Ben to keep me company. Right now he's playing kick the can with an empty soda can. It's very loud, and he loves loud activities.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Please Steal the Show
Today is the first time I'll go back to visit my old friends at work. Around 1:30 this afternoon. I have mixed feelings about it.
I'm not really worried about it. These are my peeps. I know them well. Life and work have moved on without me. I kind of know what to expect. "How do you like being a SAHM?" "Is it as wonderful as you imagined?"
And since I'm rather type-A about things like this, I'm trying to decide what kind of attitude I should adopt. I know for sure I don't want to be a negative pissy pregnant lady. I also don't want to paint a picture of bliss and roses.
So how do I like it? With care and dedication. It's a delicate balance between being a complete couch potato and a cleaning, nesting dynamo. It's being frustrated with a frustrated toddler and wanting to lock myself in the bedroom for a few minutes and wishing I could soak up more of the Benji love that's thrown my way. It's seeking out and identifying the blessing moments throughout the day.
Is it as wonderful as I imagined? I was pretty careful not to put any solid expectations about life after the change to SAHM. I had some hopes and dreams for what my life would be like, but a label like wonderful? That's setting me up for disappointment. I imagined it would be different and fulfilling. And it is.
Ben is bonding closer to us than ever before. Since he gets so much "mom" time during the day, he's all "daddy" when Chris gets home. The evenings are full of shrieks and giggles and jumping on the bed and songs. During the day, Ben is learning to seek out different activities. He climbs up into his high chair while I'm cooking or washing the dishes, and I'll set him up with some crayons or some water play. We eat lunch together, and we watch TV together. Ben, nestled on my right side, the laptop on my left. We are growing closer because of the time invested in each other.
And pregnancy? I'm 32 weeks now, and even though with Ben, I was only three weeks from delivery, I have a sneaking suspicion that Anna will take her precious time with coming into the world. She's measuring on track perfectly, and I'm not nearly as huge with her as I was with Ben at this point. I'm sore and in screeching pain some days with my pelvis, and my contractions are starting back up again after two weeks of relaxation, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I'm looking forward to the end of the pregnancy and getting to cuddle a newborn again.
Will it be odd to see my old friends at work again? Yes. And I wish they wouldn't ask me a lot of questions. I wish this was just a normal walk-through with Ben to show him off. But it's different this time. I'm the person they want to see more, not Ben. They want to analyze me and question my choices and eye up any changes to my baby bump. And of course hug me and wish me well. I hope Ben starts dancing and steals the show.
I'm not really worried about it. These are my peeps. I know them well. Life and work have moved on without me. I kind of know what to expect. "How do you like being a SAHM?" "Is it as wonderful as you imagined?"
And since I'm rather type-A about things like this, I'm trying to decide what kind of attitude I should adopt. I know for sure I don't want to be a negative pissy pregnant lady. I also don't want to paint a picture of bliss and roses.
So how do I like it? With care and dedication. It's a delicate balance between being a complete couch potato and a cleaning, nesting dynamo. It's being frustrated with a frustrated toddler and wanting to lock myself in the bedroom for a few minutes and wishing I could soak up more of the Benji love that's thrown my way. It's seeking out and identifying the blessing moments throughout the day.
Is it as wonderful as I imagined? I was pretty careful not to put any solid expectations about life after the change to SAHM. I had some hopes and dreams for what my life would be like, but a label like wonderful? That's setting me up for disappointment. I imagined it would be different and fulfilling. And it is.
Ben is bonding closer to us than ever before. Since he gets so much "mom" time during the day, he's all "daddy" when Chris gets home. The evenings are full of shrieks and giggles and jumping on the bed and songs. During the day, Ben is learning to seek out different activities. He climbs up into his high chair while I'm cooking or washing the dishes, and I'll set him up with some crayons or some water play. We eat lunch together, and we watch TV together. Ben, nestled on my right side, the laptop on my left. We are growing closer because of the time invested in each other.
And pregnancy? I'm 32 weeks now, and even though with Ben, I was only three weeks from delivery, I have a sneaking suspicion that Anna will take her precious time with coming into the world. She's measuring on track perfectly, and I'm not nearly as huge with her as I was with Ben at this point. I'm sore and in screeching pain some days with my pelvis, and my contractions are starting back up again after two weeks of relaxation, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I'm looking forward to the end of the pregnancy and getting to cuddle a newborn again.
Will it be odd to see my old friends at work again? Yes. And I wish they wouldn't ask me a lot of questions. I wish this was just a normal walk-through with Ben to show him off. But it's different this time. I'm the person they want to see more, not Ben. They want to analyze me and question my choices and eye up any changes to my baby bump. And of course hug me and wish me well. I hope Ben starts dancing and steals the show.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Vicodin, Ben Joy, Labor Day
I just haven't felt like I had much to say to anybody. Things at work are crazy and emotional. Lots of people are stopping by to express incredulity at my leaving and sometimes congratulations. I'm gearing up to start training my replacement who starts on Tuesday. And my pregnant self has been feeling kind of ick lately.
At my last appointment, my doctor finally broke down and prescribed vicodin for me to take at work when I start having severe back pain, pelvic pain and contractions. Since the dears in HR would rather I limit my intermittent FMLA to four hours or so a week, I'm stuck here at work when I should be home in bed... that is unless I want to go to battle with HR. And I don't. I'll be gone soon, but Chester has to stay here. Better to leave on good terms.
Working while stoned out of my gourd on vicodin is interesting. My proofing ability decreases by about fifteen percent, but I can still focus. It doesn't even take away all the pain, but I'm so chilled out I don't care about the discomfort. It makes life a little more interesting, and I avoid talking to people while I'm riding the waves. It's very easy for me to make a fool out of myself, and I would prefer to be discreet about narcotic usage in the workplace.
Disclaimer: Vicodin is not the best drug to take while pregnant, but the major risk to the baby occurs when taken near full term. If I were to stay on vicodin until I go into labor, the baby would be at risk for dependency and withdrawal. I'm only taking it until I stop working at the end of next week, and I don't take it every day.
Anyway. Ben has been a joy and a blessing this week. He's not nearly as crabby and difficult as he was when I posted last. We've adjusted our diaper changing techniques, and that's been helping with the levels of frustration in the house. We've also been sitting down to eat together in the evenings without the TV on, so we get some quality time with Ben. It makes a huge difference. We've also reverted back to a morning cuddle time upstairs with him before he comes down for the day. We found that if we just go up there and unlock the gate while he's still in bed, and we don't stay up there to cuddle with him, he has a meltdown and a very rough start to the day.
We don't have very dramatic plans for the weekend. We both get off of work at noon today, and we'll be picking up Ben and then going home for a nap. Tomorrow, we're scheduled for an informal cookout at my best friend Mary's apartment. And for the actual Labor Day, we're driving to Green Bay to see my brother and his family... and deliver some "Congratulations on Getting Knocked Up Again" presents and supplies. We haven't been to their house in over a year, so it'll be nice to cross that off our list of things to do before the baby comes.
At my last appointment, my doctor finally broke down and prescribed vicodin for me to take at work when I start having severe back pain, pelvic pain and contractions. Since the dears in HR would rather I limit my intermittent FMLA to four hours or so a week, I'm stuck here at work when I should be home in bed... that is unless I want to go to battle with HR. And I don't. I'll be gone soon, but Chester has to stay here. Better to leave on good terms.
Working while stoned out of my gourd on vicodin is interesting. My proofing ability decreases by about fifteen percent, but I can still focus. It doesn't even take away all the pain, but I'm so chilled out I don't care about the discomfort. It makes life a little more interesting, and I avoid talking to people while I'm riding the waves. It's very easy for me to make a fool out of myself, and I would prefer to be discreet about narcotic usage in the workplace.
Disclaimer: Vicodin is not the best drug to take while pregnant, but the major risk to the baby occurs when taken near full term. If I were to stay on vicodin until I go into labor, the baby would be at risk for dependency and withdrawal. I'm only taking it until I stop working at the end of next week, and I don't take it every day.
Anyway. Ben has been a joy and a blessing this week. He's not nearly as crabby and difficult as he was when I posted last. We've adjusted our diaper changing techniques, and that's been helping with the levels of frustration in the house. We've also been sitting down to eat together in the evenings without the TV on, so we get some quality time with Ben. It makes a huge difference. We've also reverted back to a morning cuddle time upstairs with him before he comes down for the day. We found that if we just go up there and unlock the gate while he's still in bed, and we don't stay up there to cuddle with him, he has a meltdown and a very rough start to the day.
We don't have very dramatic plans for the weekend. We both get off of work at noon today, and we'll be picking up Ben and then going home for a nap. Tomorrow, we're scheduled for an informal cookout at my best friend Mary's apartment. And for the actual Labor Day, we're driving to Green Bay to see my brother and his family... and deliver some "Congratulations on Getting Knocked Up Again" presents and supplies. We haven't been to their house in over a year, so it'll be nice to cross that off our list of things to do before the baby comes.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wordy Meme, Baby Drama
AmandaD did this meme on her blog http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com. I wanted to write a post today, but I didn't know how to start it without being pathetic. So this works. Feel free to use the meme for yourself. It's a nice exercise. The point is to only use one word answers. I cheated a couple of times by making up words or hyphenating. Forgive me.
1. Where is your cell phone? Toybox.
2. Relationship? Tender.
3. Your hair? Uninspiring.
4. Work? Bland.
5. Your sister? Stubborn.
6. Your favorite thing? Mommyhood.
7. Your dream last night? Unknown.
8. Your favorite drink? Water.
9. Your dream car? Organized.
10. The room you're in? Cubicle.
11. Your shoes? Flops.
12. Your fears? Anna-gone.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy.
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Boys.
15. What are you not good at? Pancakes.
16. Muffin? Tops.
17. One of your wish list items? Comfort.
18. Where you grew up? Woods.
19. Last thing you did? Peed.
20. What are you wearing? Support.
21. What aren't you wearing? Style.
22. Your pet? Available.
23. Your computer? Borrowed.
24. Your life? Changing.
25. Your mood? Worried.
26. Missing? Calm.
27. What are you thinking about right now? Eleven-thirty.
28. Your car? Stinky.
29. Your kitchen? Stinkier.
30. Your summer? Watery.
31. Your favorite color? Benskin.
32. Last time you laughed? Gossip.
33. Last time you cried? Car.
34. School? Uninterested.
35. Love? Yup.
I'd like to think I'm not a whiny, drama-packed person. I'd like to be calm and stable. Everytime I get upset about something, I try to step back and make a decision about whether or not it's worth being upset. Sometimes, I'm able to stop the drama there. Other times, I'm swept away. When I get ready to journal/blog, I pick and choose what I want on there. What do I want out on the web that represents my life right now? So I share some of the drama because excluding it all wouldn't be real, wouldn't be honest. And for the most part, the drama-less times of my life are hard to blog about because there's only so many ways I can describe the magic of Ben's smile or the pure, unadulterated joy of Benji Bath Time.
From my meme, though, you can probably figure out that life isn't very happy right now. And it's not. It's full of worry and anxiety and fear and pain.
Wednesday afternoon, I started getting BH contractions more than once an hour, lasting for about ten minutes each, radiating to different parts of my torso. Being a responsible pregnant lady, I logged them all, trying to identify what I was feeling and where. By the end of the day, I had put a folded blanket on my seat to cushion my heiny because it kept going numb and was very sore.
Thursday is when the fun started. Early on in the morning, I did a few undie-checks to make sure I wasn't bleeding. I had felt some "dribbling" but I didn't think it was pee. I chalked it up to girlie moisture and went on with my day. Shortly after lunch, my pelvic region started aching and I felt lots of sharp, stabbing pains in my groin area that spread down my thighs and back again. By three, when I finally called my doctor's office, it felt EXACTLY like it had right after I gave birth. Basically like I had slammed my crotch into a brick wall at 80 mph. Walking was agony, but so was sitting.
My doctor wasn't in and couldn't be reached, though they tried since she doesn't like to pass off her OB patients to the on-call doctor. They finally assigned me someone at 4, and the nurse called me back. At first she figured it was just round ligament pain, but when I described the pain as something I felt right after birth, she and the on-call doc got worried. So I was told to go home and be on bedrest for the rest of the night and to see my doctor the next day.
I cried a lot. I was worried and anxious and scared. By bedtime, the couple hours I had spent horizontal had helped and I wasn't limping anymore. I was tender, but not nearly as pain-wrecked. By morning, I was fine. I'm stiff and awkward, but I'm not in a lot of pain. I get twinges of it every once in a while, but I'm okay. I see my doctor at eleven-thirty this morning. So I'm here at work, playing online, proofing what I can reach, and keeping my feet up and my back relaxed.
Worst case scenario? Pre-term labor which isn't even called pre-term labor until I hit 20 weeks on Monday. Losing my precious baby girl would just be called a miscarriage, which makes it feel less significant, and I hate that.
Probable scenario? SPD or the separation of my pelvic bones. Caused by relaxin. They can't do much for it besides physical therapy and pain medication, and it might make a vaginal birth difficult. I had relaxin issues with Ben. By my seventh month, my wrists had loosened so much that they kept dislocating while I slept. I had to sleep with wrist bands on to keep them in place.
What I don't want to hear? That it's normal and I'm overreacting.
So I'm waiting and monitoring. Feeling okay this morning is reassuring, but now I feel like I maybe hallucinated yesterday.
The rest of my non-baby drama? My brother and his wife are at an impasse with my sister and her husband. They had a fight a couple weeks ago, and though both parties have officially apologized, the grudges remain, and they haven't resumed their usual, day-to-day relationship. I don't really care, but it upsets my mom, and that makes me upset. I get to ignore it and only have to be involved when my mom calls to vent. We are a VERY stubborn family, and we've perfected the fine art of grudge-holding. It's a talent that is passed down through the generations. Seriously. My mom isn't speaking to her siblings either. Since the current argument was over something not incredibly important or vital, eventually the affected parties will decide to move on and exist in denial that the rift ever occurred. The relationship will be stilted for a while, but that's how we roll.
I'll post again this afternoon to give a quick update on what my doctor said at the appointment.
Update: My doctor suspects I'm producing too much relaxin, the pregnancy hormone that relaxes the ligaments to prepare the body for birth. It's causing my pelvis to separate early and more than necessary. There's nothing that can be done. Just tylenol and rest when the pain starts. Good news is that it probably won't cause pre-term labor, which is good, since Baby Anna is 6 weeks away from being a NICU candidate. So I'll be relaxing a lot this weekend and trying not to stress out my hips. Wish me luck.
1. Where is your cell phone? Toybox.
2. Relationship? Tender.
3. Your hair? Uninspiring.
4. Work? Bland.
5. Your sister? Stubborn.
6. Your favorite thing? Mommyhood.
7. Your dream last night? Unknown.
8. Your favorite drink? Water.
9. Your dream car? Organized.
10. The room you're in? Cubicle.
11. Your shoes? Flops.
12. Your fears? Anna-gone.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy.
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Boys.
15. What are you not good at? Pancakes.
16. Muffin? Tops.
17. One of your wish list items? Comfort.
18. Where you grew up? Woods.
19. Last thing you did? Peed.
20. What are you wearing? Support.
21. What aren't you wearing? Style.
22. Your pet? Available.
23. Your computer? Borrowed.
24. Your life? Changing.
25. Your mood? Worried.
26. Missing? Calm.
27. What are you thinking about right now? Eleven-thirty.
28. Your car? Stinky.
29. Your kitchen? Stinkier.
30. Your summer? Watery.
31. Your favorite color? Benskin.
32. Last time you laughed? Gossip.
33. Last time you cried? Car.
34. School? Uninterested.
35. Love? Yup.
I'd like to think I'm not a whiny, drama-packed person. I'd like to be calm and stable. Everytime I get upset about something, I try to step back and make a decision about whether or not it's worth being upset. Sometimes, I'm able to stop the drama there. Other times, I'm swept away. When I get ready to journal/blog, I pick and choose what I want on there. What do I want out on the web that represents my life right now? So I share some of the drama because excluding it all wouldn't be real, wouldn't be honest. And for the most part, the drama-less times of my life are hard to blog about because there's only so many ways I can describe the magic of Ben's smile or the pure, unadulterated joy of Benji Bath Time.
From my meme, though, you can probably figure out that life isn't very happy right now. And it's not. It's full of worry and anxiety and fear and pain.
Wednesday afternoon, I started getting BH contractions more than once an hour, lasting for about ten minutes each, radiating to different parts of my torso. Being a responsible pregnant lady, I logged them all, trying to identify what I was feeling and where. By the end of the day, I had put a folded blanket on my seat to cushion my heiny because it kept going numb and was very sore.
Thursday is when the fun started. Early on in the morning, I did a few undie-checks to make sure I wasn't bleeding. I had felt some "dribbling" but I didn't think it was pee. I chalked it up to girlie moisture and went on with my day. Shortly after lunch, my pelvic region started aching and I felt lots of sharp, stabbing pains in my groin area that spread down my thighs and back again. By three, when I finally called my doctor's office, it felt EXACTLY like it had right after I gave birth. Basically like I had slammed my crotch into a brick wall at 80 mph. Walking was agony, but so was sitting.
My doctor wasn't in and couldn't be reached, though they tried since she doesn't like to pass off her OB patients to the on-call doctor. They finally assigned me someone at 4, and the nurse called me back. At first she figured it was just round ligament pain, but when I described the pain as something I felt right after birth, she and the on-call doc got worried. So I was told to go home and be on bedrest for the rest of the night and to see my doctor the next day.
I cried a lot. I was worried and anxious and scared. By bedtime, the couple hours I had spent horizontal had helped and I wasn't limping anymore. I was tender, but not nearly as pain-wrecked. By morning, I was fine. I'm stiff and awkward, but I'm not in a lot of pain. I get twinges of it every once in a while, but I'm okay. I see my doctor at eleven-thirty this morning. So I'm here at work, playing online, proofing what I can reach, and keeping my feet up and my back relaxed.
Worst case scenario? Pre-term labor which isn't even called pre-term labor until I hit 20 weeks on Monday. Losing my precious baby girl would just be called a miscarriage, which makes it feel less significant, and I hate that.
Probable scenario? SPD or the separation of my pelvic bones. Caused by relaxin. They can't do much for it besides physical therapy and pain medication, and it might make a vaginal birth difficult. I had relaxin issues with Ben. By my seventh month, my wrists had loosened so much that they kept dislocating while I slept. I had to sleep with wrist bands on to keep them in place.
What I don't want to hear? That it's normal and I'm overreacting.
So I'm waiting and monitoring. Feeling okay this morning is reassuring, but now I feel like I maybe hallucinated yesterday.
The rest of my non-baby drama? My brother and his wife are at an impasse with my sister and her husband. They had a fight a couple weeks ago, and though both parties have officially apologized, the grudges remain, and they haven't resumed their usual, day-to-day relationship. I don't really care, but it upsets my mom, and that makes me upset. I get to ignore it and only have to be involved when my mom calls to vent. We are a VERY stubborn family, and we've perfected the fine art of grudge-holding. It's a talent that is passed down through the generations. Seriously. My mom isn't speaking to her siblings either. Since the current argument was over something not incredibly important or vital, eventually the affected parties will decide to move on and exist in denial that the rift ever occurred. The relationship will be stilted for a while, but that's how we roll.
I'll post again this afternoon to give a quick update on what my doctor said at the appointment.
Update: My doctor suspects I'm producing too much relaxin, the pregnancy hormone that relaxes the ligaments to prepare the body for birth. It's causing my pelvis to separate early and more than necessary. There's nothing that can be done. Just tylenol and rest when the pain starts. Good news is that it probably won't cause pre-term labor, which is good, since Baby Anna is 6 weeks away from being a NICU candidate. So I'll be relaxing a lot this weekend and trying not to stress out my hips. Wish me luck.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Keep An Eye On That
Cue the crazy pregnancy dreams. They are very insane. Amusing, sure. But I think I'm going crazy. At least I have plenty of fodder if I ever wanted to write a major motion picture script.
Tuesday night was full of nightmares and strangely lucid dreams. The first time around, I dreamed that Ben was sucked into this crazy scenario with a serial killer who ended up amassing about sixty children in a large gymnasium type room, only to burn the place down. Bad dream. The second time, I was semi-lucid, and I was able to insert myself into the scenario and try to work out a plan to save the children. Of course since I was dealing with a crafty serial killer, I was at a disadvantage, even if I knew what the intended outcome was. I managed to run from the burning building with Ben in my left arm and two smaller babies tucked under my right arm. I had managed to alert the authorities beforehand, and fire trucks were quickly on hand. I kept running with Ben, though, so I never found out what the final toll was. See. Told you it was crazy and motion-picture-ish.
In other news... we had our 18-week checkup yesterday afternoon. Finally told my OB about all the contractions I've had lately. "Keep an eye on that," she said. Okie-dokie. Will do. And, after four long agonizing minutes of her rubbing the doppler all over my belly... she finally tracked down the heartbeat. Little one apparently has stage fright. But we heard it. *SIGH OF RELIEF*
Our ultrasound appointment is Friday afternoon at two. I'm taking the afternoon off from work that day, so I won't be able to post the results until later that evening when husband gets back from work.
And I think Chester might be finally coming around to liking the boy name I have picked out. He hadn't liked it up until this morning, but he seemed to be warming up to it. Andrew John. It's my mom's favorite name and what she would have named me if I had been a boy (and my dad didn't get his way and name me "Truck"). Andy John. Anyway. That's that.
But of course I'm still hoping for a girl. If it was my choice, and it's not, that's what I'd pick. A few family members have had dreams about my fetus being a girl, so maybe that's actually what is in there. A little Anna Kathryn. We'll see.
And we'll be pleased with whatever ends up coming out of my uterus at the end of this pregnancy.
In "Ben is the cutest toddler in the world" news, I took him outside last night in the rain. He was wearing his galoshes and a diaper. I held an umbrella over us, and I had to teach him how much fun it is to jump in the puddles. He got very excited, which was kind of dangerous. We live on a busy street, and I was nervous about him running out of my grasp while we were so close to the road. We weren't out there for very long, but he laughed a lot. A meltdown ensued when I dragged him back in the house, but he was quickly mollified by the warm bath Dad had waiting for him.
Ben and I are on our own tonight as Chester kayaks up the river with some friends. I don't have much planned except for clipping his fingernails and watching television. Ben pretty much puts himself to bed, so I'm not expecting much drama. Chester informs me that Ben crawls up the stairs on his own, climbs into bed, locates his nuk, lies down and then covers himself with his blanket. All Daddy has to do is say "good night" and turn on the lullabye music. We'll see if Ben will perform that trick when it's Mommy. I kind of doubt it.
This weekend, we'd like to get to the Splash Pad at one of the local parks. It's basically a concrete area with a bunch of different waterfalls, sprinklers, etc. No standing water, so it's pretty safe for the little kids. And only fifty cents a person. We tried to go there last Sunday, but the water was turned off as we were getting Ben out of the car. I guess there was a tornado watch. Pshaw.
The only planned activity/appointment is the Editorial Department BBQ on Sunday. It's bring-your-own-meat-and-beverage-and-a-side-dish-to-share. Should be amusing. Boss lady will be bringing her son who is six months older than Ben. Hopefully they'll play nicely together. It'll be nice to meet the significant others of all the other people in the department. I'm making a slow cooker bean recipe for the side dish. And bringing KFC cole slaw.
Did I tell you I get to find out the gender of my little baby tomorrow? Did I tell you I'm kind of excited? AHHHHH. The wait is agony.
Tuesday night was full of nightmares and strangely lucid dreams. The first time around, I dreamed that Ben was sucked into this crazy scenario with a serial killer who ended up amassing about sixty children in a large gymnasium type room, only to burn the place down. Bad dream. The second time, I was semi-lucid, and I was able to insert myself into the scenario and try to work out a plan to save the children. Of course since I was dealing with a crafty serial killer, I was at a disadvantage, even if I knew what the intended outcome was. I managed to run from the burning building with Ben in my left arm and two smaller babies tucked under my right arm. I had managed to alert the authorities beforehand, and fire trucks were quickly on hand. I kept running with Ben, though, so I never found out what the final toll was. See. Told you it was crazy and motion-picture-ish.
In other news... we had our 18-week checkup yesterday afternoon. Finally told my OB about all the contractions I've had lately. "Keep an eye on that," she said. Okie-dokie. Will do. And, after four long agonizing minutes of her rubbing the doppler all over my belly... she finally tracked down the heartbeat. Little one apparently has stage fright. But we heard it. *SIGH OF RELIEF*
Our ultrasound appointment is Friday afternoon at two. I'm taking the afternoon off from work that day, so I won't be able to post the results until later that evening when husband gets back from work.
And I think Chester might be finally coming around to liking the boy name I have picked out. He hadn't liked it up until this morning, but he seemed to be warming up to it. Andrew John. It's my mom's favorite name and what she would have named me if I had been a boy (and my dad didn't get his way and name me "Truck"). Andy John. Anyway. That's that.
But of course I'm still hoping for a girl. If it was my choice, and it's not, that's what I'd pick. A few family members have had dreams about my fetus being a girl, so maybe that's actually what is in there. A little Anna Kathryn. We'll see.
And we'll be pleased with whatever ends up coming out of my uterus at the end of this pregnancy.
In "Ben is the cutest toddler in the world" news, I took him outside last night in the rain. He was wearing his galoshes and a diaper. I held an umbrella over us, and I had to teach him how much fun it is to jump in the puddles. He got very excited, which was kind of dangerous. We live on a busy street, and I was nervous about him running out of my grasp while we were so close to the road. We weren't out there for very long, but he laughed a lot. A meltdown ensued when I dragged him back in the house, but he was quickly mollified by the warm bath Dad had waiting for him.
Ben and I are on our own tonight as Chester kayaks up the river with some friends. I don't have much planned except for clipping his fingernails and watching television. Ben pretty much puts himself to bed, so I'm not expecting much drama. Chester informs me that Ben crawls up the stairs on his own, climbs into bed, locates his nuk, lies down and then covers himself with his blanket. All Daddy has to do is say "good night" and turn on the lullabye music. We'll see if Ben will perform that trick when it's Mommy. I kind of doubt it.
This weekend, we'd like to get to the Splash Pad at one of the local parks. It's basically a concrete area with a bunch of different waterfalls, sprinklers, etc. No standing water, so it's pretty safe for the little kids. And only fifty cents a person. We tried to go there last Sunday, but the water was turned off as we were getting Ben out of the car. I guess there was a tornado watch. Pshaw.
The only planned activity/appointment is the Editorial Department BBQ on Sunday. It's bring-your-own-meat-and-beverage-and-a-side-dish-to-share. Should be amusing. Boss lady will be bringing her son who is six months older than Ben. Hopefully they'll play nicely together. It'll be nice to meet the significant others of all the other people in the department. I'm making a slow cooker bean recipe for the side dish. And bringing KFC cole slaw.
Did I tell you I get to find out the gender of my little baby tomorrow? Did I tell you I'm kind of excited? AHHHHH. The wait is agony.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Back on the Zo.
This was a weird week, and I'm glad it's finally Friday. TGIFF.
Summer is one of the busiest seasons for us in the catalog proofreading business because we're eyeball-deep in production of fall catalogs. I've been working my tail off.
Ben had a checkup on Tuesday as a follow-up on his weird, funky rash last week and his bronchial spasms a month ago. I was brave and told the doctor that we couldn't easily afford his Pulmicort, and she suggested a new treatment plan. So now he's on Singulair every day, Pulmicort once a day when he has a cough, Pulmicort 2x a day and Albuterol when he's wheezing. The Singulair is a quarter of the cost of Pulmicort, so we're very happy. Hopefully, Ben will respond well. So far so good.
Ben and I had a power struggle over dinner last night. It was the first time I served him chili because I wasn't sure he'd like it last time I made it. I took a chance. He refused it point blank when I offered it to him, so I just told him that no, he wouldn't be getting more graham crackers, and I turned my back and did some dishes. I peeked a minute later, and he was wolfing it down. He's not that great with a spoon, especially for entrées with liquid content, but he managed. He loved it so much that he picked up all the pieces he dropped and ate those as well. He let me help him scrape the bowl, and then he devoured another bowl of the stuff. Homerun for mommy. Nice, full belly for the Ben Boy. It was a little messy, and he ended up with chili juice in his neck crease and he had to be stripped immediately after, but we survived.
As for me. Well. This week sucked. It started off badly when the 10-pound bag of Idaho potatoes we had on the kitchen floor decided to start leaking. One of the potatoes at the bottom was bad, and it liquified during the night, causing a moldy ick slick across the kitchen floor. We threw out the bag and mopped, but the smell remains. It's disgusting. I'm going to get a stronger floor cleaner this weekend and hope that takes care of it.
I've also been having baby issues. I'll tell you my symptoms, but first I'll tell you how I treated them. I called the doctor's office, and I went back on Zoloft. I kept growing more and more tense this week with fear over losing the baby, and I was suspicious it was that old anxiety disorder resurfacing. It's a chemical imbalance, and I can't just relax it away all the time. So I'm back on the happy drugs. We'll see how things change. The symptoms can all be normal pregnancy symptoms, but spun the wrong way can spell danger. I took the risk and labeled them "normal" and my feelings about them "abnormal."
I've been having across-the-belly contractions where my whole abdomen tenses up suddenly and holds the contraction for minutes at a time. It's hard to walk when it's happening, and it leaves me with a very sore, tender belly. They don't come on a regular basis, but I haven't been keeping track.
Let's make that a bit scarier by adding the tingly feeling I get in my cervix after the contraction eases. Try looking that symptom up online and all you'll find is warnings about genital herpes. I teased my husband about it, but he didn't find it funny.
And yesterday, I swore I was spotting when I wiped after peeing. In retrospect, I figured out that it was just bleed-through from the recycled content of the toilet paper.
I've still felt the baby moving. And it feels like there's a balloon resting in my pelvic bone that keeps trying to inflate more. My anxiety rests more in the concept that my body won't be able to carry the baby to term, not that there is anything wrong with the baby. And the anxiety is overwhelming. I'm hoping that the Zoloft will help me have a better perspective on things, and I can start really looking forward to the baby rather than just hating the pregnancy. I'll let you know how that works out.
Quick gossip about Ben's old daycare. We saw a couple of his old daycare teachers at the grocery store the other day, and they had quite the stories to tell. Ben's favorite teacher had her paycheck bounce. Twice. Which of course caused her rent check and car payment to bounce. The director was unwilling to make amends over any of the late fees, so the teacher quit after her shift. Another girl is still working there, but desperately trying to find a new job so she can quit. And Ben's other teacher already put in her notice. A lot of people are really disgusted with what's been happening during the "transition" to the new way of running things. We're glad we're gone.
Our current daycare lady has a history with the director of the center. The director started out by having an inhome daycare, and that's where Amber sent her kids when they were babies. Not for that long, though. The director kept raising the rates every other month, insisted on a security deposit for each child, and kept raising the amount needed for the deposit. The current children had to make additional security deposit payments. It seemed like she was always have financial difficulties. And those difficulties seem to be a lifelong trial for her, since that's what's troubling her with her group center. I'm glad she's out of our life, even though we never actually met her.
Summer is one of the busiest seasons for us in the catalog proofreading business because we're eyeball-deep in production of fall catalogs. I've been working my tail off.
Ben had a checkup on Tuesday as a follow-up on his weird, funky rash last week and his bronchial spasms a month ago. I was brave and told the doctor that we couldn't easily afford his Pulmicort, and she suggested a new treatment plan. So now he's on Singulair every day, Pulmicort once a day when he has a cough, Pulmicort 2x a day and Albuterol when he's wheezing. The Singulair is a quarter of the cost of Pulmicort, so we're very happy. Hopefully, Ben will respond well. So far so good.
Ben and I had a power struggle over dinner last night. It was the first time I served him chili because I wasn't sure he'd like it last time I made it. I took a chance. He refused it point blank when I offered it to him, so I just told him that no, he wouldn't be getting more graham crackers, and I turned my back and did some dishes. I peeked a minute later, and he was wolfing it down. He's not that great with a spoon, especially for entrées with liquid content, but he managed. He loved it so much that he picked up all the pieces he dropped and ate those as well. He let me help him scrape the bowl, and then he devoured another bowl of the stuff. Homerun for mommy. Nice, full belly for the Ben Boy. It was a little messy, and he ended up with chili juice in his neck crease and he had to be stripped immediately after, but we survived.
As for me. Well. This week sucked. It started off badly when the 10-pound bag of Idaho potatoes we had on the kitchen floor decided to start leaking. One of the potatoes at the bottom was bad, and it liquified during the night, causing a moldy ick slick across the kitchen floor. We threw out the bag and mopped, but the smell remains. It's disgusting. I'm going to get a stronger floor cleaner this weekend and hope that takes care of it.
I've also been having baby issues. I'll tell you my symptoms, but first I'll tell you how I treated them. I called the doctor's office, and I went back on Zoloft. I kept growing more and more tense this week with fear over losing the baby, and I was suspicious it was that old anxiety disorder resurfacing. It's a chemical imbalance, and I can't just relax it away all the time. So I'm back on the happy drugs. We'll see how things change. The symptoms can all be normal pregnancy symptoms, but spun the wrong way can spell danger. I took the risk and labeled them "normal" and my feelings about them "abnormal."
I've been having across-the-belly contractions where my whole abdomen tenses up suddenly and holds the contraction for minutes at a time. It's hard to walk when it's happening, and it leaves me with a very sore, tender belly. They don't come on a regular basis, but I haven't been keeping track.
Let's make that a bit scarier by adding the tingly feeling I get in my cervix after the contraction eases. Try looking that symptom up online and all you'll find is warnings about genital herpes. I teased my husband about it, but he didn't find it funny.
And yesterday, I swore I was spotting when I wiped after peeing. In retrospect, I figured out that it was just bleed-through from the recycled content of the toilet paper.
I've still felt the baby moving. And it feels like there's a balloon resting in my pelvic bone that keeps trying to inflate more. My anxiety rests more in the concept that my body won't be able to carry the baby to term, not that there is anything wrong with the baby. And the anxiety is overwhelming. I'm hoping that the Zoloft will help me have a better perspective on things, and I can start really looking forward to the baby rather than just hating the pregnancy. I'll let you know how that works out.
Quick gossip about Ben's old daycare. We saw a couple of his old daycare teachers at the grocery store the other day, and they had quite the stories to tell. Ben's favorite teacher had her paycheck bounce. Twice. Which of course caused her rent check and car payment to bounce. The director was unwilling to make amends over any of the late fees, so the teacher quit after her shift. Another girl is still working there, but desperately trying to find a new job so she can quit. And Ben's other teacher already put in her notice. A lot of people are really disgusted with what's been happening during the "transition" to the new way of running things. We're glad we're gone.
Our current daycare lady has a history with the director of the center. The director started out by having an inhome daycare, and that's where Amber sent her kids when they were babies. Not for that long, though. The director kept raising the rates every other month, insisted on a security deposit for each child, and kept raising the amount needed for the deposit. The current children had to make additional security deposit payments. It seemed like she was always have financial difficulties. And those difficulties seem to be a lifelong trial for her, since that's what's troubling her with her group center. I'm glad she's out of our life, even though we never actually met her.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Maternity Clothes at 7 Weeks? That's crazy talk.
Ben is going into cute overdrive lately, and I find it adorable. This morning, he rediscovered a toy that he got for Christmas. It's a singing, talking, teaching plush doggy. Really, a creepy thing that says "Hug Me" and "Yellow Hand."
Anyway. He decided that it was the most wonderful toy in the world this morning, and he would motion for me to make it sing, and then he would smile, dance and spin in circles and eventually clap. He kept this up for a while. Chester taught him to hug the doggie. I almost swooned from the cuteness.
I'm down to my last pair of non-knit pants now. It's very depressing. For at least another month or two, I'll just look kind of puffy to the outside world. To me, I feel like a blimp, and I can tell that I'm showing. My belly is getting sore and tight again like it was with Ben. And, since I'm significantly overweight, I have two belly bulges already. The lower, baby pouch of soft, spongy goodness, a tighter band at the height of my belly button, and then another bulge with the rest of my belly fat. So, the baby is pushing everything up while it takes up more space in my pelvic region. I can fill out some pregnancy tops with the top bulge, but the bulge up there is just a bunch of fat and organs, so it's really uncomfortable for anyone to pat it and say, "Hello Baby."
I had a definite baby bump at four months with Ben, but my belly wasn't hard until around five and a half months. Now, I'm having to switch to maternity clothes before two months. It's crazy. Crazy I tell you, and it had better not be twins.
On the health and well-being front, I'm still rather emotional and teary, and I'm still oh-so-tired. I threw up in the shower this morning when I brushed my teeth, but other than that, the nausea has been manageable. I'm starting to have back aches, and like I said before, my belly is uncomfortable and tight. But I'm not unhappy. I woke up this morning without getting my period. Any day that starts like that is a day for celebration.
And, my Avon order came today, so I have new make-up to play with. I love the lip gloss, but like other lip stuff from other companies, it still makes my lips flake off. Does this happen to anybody else? I have a nervous habit where I pick the dry skin off of my lips, and when I use lip stick, gloss or chapstick, it softens the skin, and then makes it really easy to peel off.
Anyway. He decided that it was the most wonderful toy in the world this morning, and he would motion for me to make it sing, and then he would smile, dance and spin in circles and eventually clap. He kept this up for a while. Chester taught him to hug the doggie. I almost swooned from the cuteness.
I'm down to my last pair of non-knit pants now. It's very depressing. For at least another month or two, I'll just look kind of puffy to the outside world. To me, I feel like a blimp, and I can tell that I'm showing. My belly is getting sore and tight again like it was with Ben. And, since I'm significantly overweight, I have two belly bulges already. The lower, baby pouch of soft, spongy goodness, a tighter band at the height of my belly button, and then another bulge with the rest of my belly fat. So, the baby is pushing everything up while it takes up more space in my pelvic region. I can fill out some pregnancy tops with the top bulge, but the bulge up there is just a bunch of fat and organs, so it's really uncomfortable for anyone to pat it and say, "Hello Baby."
I had a definite baby bump at four months with Ben, but my belly wasn't hard until around five and a half months. Now, I'm having to switch to maternity clothes before two months. It's crazy. Crazy I tell you, and it had better not be twins.
On the health and well-being front, I'm still rather emotional and teary, and I'm still oh-so-tired. I threw up in the shower this morning when I brushed my teeth, but other than that, the nausea has been manageable. I'm starting to have back aches, and like I said before, my belly is uncomfortable and tight. But I'm not unhappy. I woke up this morning without getting my period. Any day that starts like that is a day for celebration.
And, my Avon order came today, so I have new make-up to play with. I love the lip gloss, but like other lip stuff from other companies, it still makes my lips flake off. Does this happen to anybody else? I have a nervous habit where I pick the dry skin off of my lips, and when I use lip stick, gloss or chapstick, it softens the skin, and then makes it really easy to peel off.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The Doctor Said Congratulations
I was so depressed this morning. Took another HPT test, and it was still really faint. I was totally discouraged and almost canceled my appointment this morning.
But I went anyway. I peed in a little cup and went back in the waiting room to watch a Judge show. Fifteen minutes later, I was called back. Did the whole weigh-in thing (lost 15 pounds, wooohoo), blood pressure, etc. Then I sat there waiting for my Dr. She came in and said, "Congratulations."
Me: "Really?"
Dr: "Yes, really. It was positive."
Me: "Oh, thank God."
I'm three weeks pregnant. I have another appointment in two weeks to have the pelvic exam done. I stayed late this morning to do the OB blood labs.
Feels so surreal. I'm still terrified of losing this little one since it's so very early, but I do have a twinkle in my eye.
But I went anyway. I peed in a little cup and went back in the waiting room to watch a Judge show. Fifteen minutes later, I was called back. Did the whole weigh-in thing (lost 15 pounds, wooohoo), blood pressure, etc. Then I sat there waiting for my Dr. She came in and said, "Congratulations."
Me: "Really?"
Dr: "Yes, really. It was positive."
Me: "Oh, thank God."
I'm three weeks pregnant. I have another appointment in two weeks to have the pelvic exam done. I stayed late this morning to do the OB blood labs.
Feels so surreal. I'm still terrified of losing this little one since it's so very early, but I do have a twinkle in my eye.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Exuberant Joy Over a Little Pink Line
According to Fertility Friend, I might be getting my period today. I've taken two negative pregnancy tests over the last few days. Today, I took another one. The little line didn't pop out from the slightly pink background (that fades in a few minutes), so I just hopped in the shower as usual.
I glanced down at the test again when I got out of the shower... and, wouldn't you know it, there was a very faint pink line where I really wanted it to be. Very faint. But, dammit, it's a positive. A weak positive, but it's there.
I would have just implanted yesterday, so it'll be a few days (at least) until the pregnancy is a bit more established.
Can't focus on that, though. All I know is that right now, I'm pregnant. And I've been crying for the last hour. Called my mom so she could start praying already. My due date will be around November 17th. I was five weeks early with Ben, so I'm thinking sometime in October.
Update: I couldn't wait, so I called my doctor's office this morning. I'm going in tomorrow morning for a urine test and a 15-minute appointment with my doctor.
I glanced down at the test again when I got out of the shower... and, wouldn't you know it, there was a very faint pink line where I really wanted it to be. Very faint. But, dammit, it's a positive. A weak positive, but it's there.
I would have just implanted yesterday, so it'll be a few days (at least) until the pregnancy is a bit more established.
Can't focus on that, though. All I know is that right now, I'm pregnant. And I've been crying for the last hour. Called my mom so she could start praying already. My due date will be around November 17th. I was five weeks early with Ben, so I'm thinking sometime in October.
Update: I couldn't wait, so I called my doctor's office this morning. I'm going in tomorrow morning for a urine test and a 15-minute appointment with my doctor.
Monday, March 05, 2007
The TTC Struggle of February/March
So this last cycle, I was blindsided by trying to be all aware of my body, but totally missing ovulation. I was doing the saliva ferning thing, but found out I was drawing the saliva from the top of my tongue instead of sublingual, or under the tongue. Maybe I would have been able to notice the ferning if I was doing it right. Maybe not. I thought my temperature spike was just because I was sick, but it's been 10 days, and my temp has stayed high, just like it would if I had ovulated.
Yesterday, I had full ferning, and since it was day 21, and that was the day I ovulated last cycle, I was so excited that I would have a change to try to conceive still this month. So, Chester and I "got it on" a few times this last weekend. Have to tell you, TTC sex isn't nearly as good as just making love when we feel like it (which is usually only once a week).
Today, though, I'm all depressed. What if the ferning was just the common estrogen surge at the end of my cycle? According to my chart, if I'm not pregnant, I'll be getting my period this week. My coverline for basal body temps was 97.6 this month, and I'm still testing at 98.0. If I'm ovulating right now, how high is my temp going to actually go? My ferning was back to "transitional" already this morning.
Anyway. Of course we'll just have to wait and see. And keep trying.
If I didn't conceive this cycle, I'm going to invest a little bit more in my fertility by buying some of that pre-seed lubricant. The stuff that supposedly makes it easier for the spermies to get where they want to go. Also might start doing the Creighton method/charting cervical mucus stuff. I can't check my cervix. Tried. Can't reach it. I'm too fat, and my arms are too short. I asked Chester if he would do it, and he refused. Spoilsport.
That was all very TMI. Sorry about that.
In other news. Hell. There isn't much else going on. We're starting to get our tax refunds back, so I've been on a bill-paying spree. Feels good. When I've gotten up-to-date on the basics like electricity and phones, then we can start picking up things for our bathroom renovation which is still scheduled for March 22-23. I was so excited that I was finally able to schedule a cancellation for our Sprint phones. Our contract finally expires on the 21st of this month. That's eighty bucks I'm not going to miss paying out, especially since Chester has a phone through work. I'd rather get a landline and use a phone card for long distance.
Ben's Latest Cute Things
He'll reach for our hands and then press it flat... and then give us "fives". Over and over again. If we don't let him have our hands, he'll give us "fives" on our chests. And then we had to teach him about the difference between hitting and giving fives.
Also, I was folding laundry last night, and he wanted up on my lap. So I held him... and put a sock on my hand and started doing the sock puppet thing. "Hi Mr. Ben. I'm Mr. Sock. I'm going to tickle you now." He kept smiling and looking back and forth from my mouth (where the sound was coming from) and the sock, which was moving like it had a mouth. And of course he'd giggle when Mr. Sock would tickle him. Then I put one of his socks on his hand, and he moved it like it was talking, and then he tickled Mr. Sock, but not me. I didn't mind. It was still cute.
Yesterday, I had full ferning, and since it was day 21, and that was the day I ovulated last cycle, I was so excited that I would have a change to try to conceive still this month. So, Chester and I "got it on" a few times this last weekend. Have to tell you, TTC sex isn't nearly as good as just making love when we feel like it (which is usually only once a week).
Today, though, I'm all depressed. What if the ferning was just the common estrogen surge at the end of my cycle? According to my chart, if I'm not pregnant, I'll be getting my period this week. My coverline for basal body temps was 97.6 this month, and I'm still testing at 98.0. If I'm ovulating right now, how high is my temp going to actually go? My ferning was back to "transitional" already this morning.
Anyway. Of course we'll just have to wait and see. And keep trying.
If I didn't conceive this cycle, I'm going to invest a little bit more in my fertility by buying some of that pre-seed lubricant. The stuff that supposedly makes it easier for the spermies to get where they want to go. Also might start doing the Creighton method/charting cervical mucus stuff. I can't check my cervix. Tried. Can't reach it. I'm too fat, and my arms are too short. I asked Chester if he would do it, and he refused. Spoilsport.
That was all very TMI. Sorry about that.
In other news. Hell. There isn't much else going on. We're starting to get our tax refunds back, so I've been on a bill-paying spree. Feels good. When I've gotten up-to-date on the basics like electricity and phones, then we can start picking up things for our bathroom renovation which is still scheduled for March 22-23. I was so excited that I was finally able to schedule a cancellation for our Sprint phones. Our contract finally expires on the 21st of this month. That's eighty bucks I'm not going to miss paying out, especially since Chester has a phone through work. I'd rather get a landline and use a phone card for long distance.
Ben's Latest Cute Things
He'll reach for our hands and then press it flat... and then give us "fives". Over and over again. If we don't let him have our hands, he'll give us "fives" on our chests. And then we had to teach him about the difference between hitting and giving fives.
Also, I was folding laundry last night, and he wanted up on my lap. So I held him... and put a sock on my hand and started doing the sock puppet thing. "Hi Mr. Ben. I'm Mr. Sock. I'm going to tickle you now." He kept smiling and looking back and forth from my mouth (where the sound was coming from) and the sock, which was moving like it had a mouth. And of course he'd giggle when Mr. Sock would tickle him. Then I put one of his socks on his hand, and he moved it like it was talking, and then he tickled Mr. Sock, but not me. I didn't mind. It was still cute.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Another Day, Another Cycle
I'm a VIP member at Fertility Friend. It's an online charting and calendar tool for those trying to conceive. I've been charting for a few weeks, but they do a cruel, cruel thing when you get your period. They erase your chart and make you start over. It was psychologically disturbing for me to see my chart start over. Sure, it's a new cycle with all new information, but finding out I'm not pregnant was tough enough. I don't know why it bothered me.
I started my period yesterday morning. It was a sad day, so I went on a TTC (trying to conceive) shopping spree. I bought a pack of ovulation test strips, more pregnancy test strips and one of those saliva microscope/ovulation predictor things. Dang it. I want to have another baby before 2008. I better get cooking. Chester is amused by my enthusiasm and determination. I don't think he realizes how tired he will be.
Since last night was a Walmart night, we went to Wendy's beforehand for dinner. We do that so Ben can eat dinner at a normal time, and we aren't out so late. We were enjoying a meal of chicken nuggets, salads and french fries, when a family of six children and two parents came in. The kids were all age 6 months to about 8 years old. Without the parents even having to direct traffic, the kids picked out a seat at a table, took off their coats and sat down. Then, while the parents were getting the food, they sat quietly and talked. When the little baby started babbling and flailing, one of the older children went over to sit by him and entertain him. None of the children was acting up, running around, bouncing off the walls, etc. Just very polite, well-behaved kids. I was rather intrigued as to why they all had the same haircut, even the girls. It's hard to speculate as to the reason for the across-the-board boy cuts. They were all in hand-me-downs, and they seemed to really appreciate each other's company.
The whole scene made me and Chester smile. It was neat to see the kids interact with each other. The family at the table behind us, two kids and an extra friend, were well-behaved, but more vocal. We heard a little brother ask an older sister a stupid question, and she told him to shut up already. Even that made us smile.
Siblings can be fun. I am seven years younger than the next oldest kid in my family, so I felt like an only child for most of my life. I didn't have a built-in playmate. I remember my older brother would dangle me over the stairs by my ankles, and my sister would help hold me down while they all experimented with pressure points (but they pinched, not pressed). Despite my own experiences, I know that having a brother or sister close to your age can be amusing and worthwhile. I know this because I see how my brothers and my sister interact as adults.
My sister and my older brother especially. I'm very jealous of their close friendship. They are both intensely loyal towards each other and have even bailed each other out of jail in the past. They like doing stuff together. They're friends, even though they are very different. It's the shared bond of blood and a past that bring them together.
I'm sure Ben will make a lot of friends throughout his life, but I'd like to give him more of a family, too. And I think I'll be quite happy with more than one kid. I like a little crazy chaos, and I think kids are a lot of fun. The more the merrier, right? Chester pales when I talk about this, and he clears his throat... "Uh... How many are you talking about?"
*Smile* We'll see, dear. Let's start with two and see how much fun that is.
In other news, Daycare has started to transition my baby boy into the toddler room. Now he'll be eating at a table with a tray and flatware. He'll take a single nap on a cot. He'll brush his teeth after lunch. He'll drink from a sippy cup and not a bottle. I'm sad about this, too. He's growing up way too fast.
This morning we had a hug-fest on his bedroom floor. I was getting him dressed, and he was squirming, so I'd take little breaks to squeeze him rock from side to side while grunting (that sounds a lot weirder than it actually is). He encouraged it by wrapping his arms around my neck and laying his head on my shoulder. Kept coming back for more hugs. Then, Daddy came up and joined the little party. Double the hugs. Double the giggles. Double the love. I wish I could freeze time on that scene and go back to it when I need a break from the hectic times at work or when Chester and I have stupid fights.
Update: Happy 100th Post!
I started my period yesterday morning. It was a sad day, so I went on a TTC (trying to conceive) shopping spree. I bought a pack of ovulation test strips, more pregnancy test strips and one of those saliva microscope/ovulation predictor things. Dang it. I want to have another baby before 2008. I better get cooking. Chester is amused by my enthusiasm and determination. I don't think he realizes how tired he will be.
Since last night was a Walmart night, we went to Wendy's beforehand for dinner. We do that so Ben can eat dinner at a normal time, and we aren't out so late. We were enjoying a meal of chicken nuggets, salads and french fries, when a family of six children and two parents came in. The kids were all age 6 months to about 8 years old. Without the parents even having to direct traffic, the kids picked out a seat at a table, took off their coats and sat down. Then, while the parents were getting the food, they sat quietly and talked. When the little baby started babbling and flailing, one of the older children went over to sit by him and entertain him. None of the children was acting up, running around, bouncing off the walls, etc. Just very polite, well-behaved kids. I was rather intrigued as to why they all had the same haircut, even the girls. It's hard to speculate as to the reason for the across-the-board boy cuts. They were all in hand-me-downs, and they seemed to really appreciate each other's company.
The whole scene made me and Chester smile. It was neat to see the kids interact with each other. The family at the table behind us, two kids and an extra friend, were well-behaved, but more vocal. We heard a little brother ask an older sister a stupid question, and she told him to shut up already. Even that made us smile.
Siblings can be fun. I am seven years younger than the next oldest kid in my family, so I felt like an only child for most of my life. I didn't have a built-in playmate. I remember my older brother would dangle me over the stairs by my ankles, and my sister would help hold me down while they all experimented with pressure points (but they pinched, not pressed). Despite my own experiences, I know that having a brother or sister close to your age can be amusing and worthwhile. I know this because I see how my brothers and my sister interact as adults.
My sister and my older brother especially. I'm very jealous of their close friendship. They are both intensely loyal towards each other and have even bailed each other out of jail in the past. They like doing stuff together. They're friends, even though they are very different. It's the shared bond of blood and a past that bring them together.
I'm sure Ben will make a lot of friends throughout his life, but I'd like to give him more of a family, too. And I think I'll be quite happy with more than one kid. I like a little crazy chaos, and I think kids are a lot of fun. The more the merrier, right? Chester pales when I talk about this, and he clears his throat... "Uh... How many are you talking about?"
*Smile* We'll see, dear. Let's start with two and see how much fun that is.
In other news, Daycare has started to transition my baby boy into the toddler room. Now he'll be eating at a table with a tray and flatware. He'll take a single nap on a cot. He'll brush his teeth after lunch. He'll drink from a sippy cup and not a bottle. I'm sad about this, too. He's growing up way too fast.
This morning we had a hug-fest on his bedroom floor. I was getting him dressed, and he was squirming, so I'd take little breaks to squeeze him rock from side to side while grunting (that sounds a lot weirder than it actually is). He encouraged it by wrapping his arms around my neck and laying his head on my shoulder. Kept coming back for more hugs. Then, Daddy came up and joined the little party. Double the hugs. Double the giggles. Double the love. I wish I could freeze time on that scene and go back to it when I need a break from the hectic times at work or when Chester and I have stupid fights.
Update: Happy 100th Post!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Maybe Baby? This Time With A Breakdown
Geez, my cycles are screwed up. My past three cycles since I went off the pill have been 25, 23, and 29. I started doing the basal body temperature charting thing a few weeks ago, and according to that, it'll be day 36 of my cycle before I'm expected to get my period again. Today is day 29.
We still have a good chance that we conceived (because we're frisky little buggers), but it sucks since I have to wait so long to find out. This "wondering" part of the month is tough. Here's the breakdown of clues, either way.
Maybe Baby?
--My skin is kind of flushed and pink.
--I have crazy mood swings.
--My appetite is huge.
--I'm craving Mexican food (which isn't normal for me).
--My mind seems to think I'm pregnant, because I keep talking about my "babies" and when we have the new little baby in the fall. I also am more prone to talking to my belly when I'm bored. "Hi there, little baby. Welcome to the family. We hope you have fun."
Probably No Baby
--Life was very busy this cycle and we didn't "um, you know" as often as we had planned. Mostly my fault. When the boy goes to sleep between 7:30 and 8, I usually head to bed too. If I'm really tired, I might not feel like making the effort.
--My cycles are so erratic, and I'm not even sure I'm ovulating.
--I don't want to think about this part of the list. I want to be preggers.
Anyway. We'll just have to wait and see. My mom thinks it's weird that her daughters "plan" their babies. When she was getting pregnant, they didn't do charting or testing. If you missed two periods in a row, you were probably pregnant. Instead, I'm charting my temps and buying PG tests in bulk.
In other news: Rooster Boy (who isn't so rooster-ish anymore... he got his haircut last night) is at the doctor's office right now with Chester. Ben woke up this morning with an awful cough. He goes on these coughing jags that usually include wretching and gagging. Not a good sign. And he's wheezing during the day now, rather than just at night. Since he was a preemie, our doctors are very careful about respiratory infections and viruses with him.
Update: The doctor said Ben has another ear infection and a bad cold. He's now on augmentin.
We still have a good chance that we conceived (because we're frisky little buggers), but it sucks since I have to wait so long to find out. This "wondering" part of the month is tough. Here's the breakdown of clues, either way.
Maybe Baby?
--My skin is kind of flushed and pink.
--I have crazy mood swings.
--My appetite is huge.
--I'm craving Mexican food (which isn't normal for me).
--My mind seems to think I'm pregnant, because I keep talking about my "babies" and when we have the new little baby in the fall. I also am more prone to talking to my belly when I'm bored. "Hi there, little baby. Welcome to the family. We hope you have fun."
Probably No Baby
--Life was very busy this cycle and we didn't "um, you know" as often as we had planned. Mostly my fault. When the boy goes to sleep between 7:30 and 8, I usually head to bed too. If I'm really tired, I might not feel like making the effort.
--My cycles are so erratic, and I'm not even sure I'm ovulating.
--I don't want to think about this part of the list. I want to be preggers.
Anyway. We'll just have to wait and see. My mom thinks it's weird that her daughters "plan" their babies. When she was getting pregnant, they didn't do charting or testing. If you missed two periods in a row, you were probably pregnant. Instead, I'm charting my temps and buying PG tests in bulk.
In other news: Rooster Boy (who isn't so rooster-ish anymore... he got his haircut last night) is at the doctor's office right now with Chester. Ben woke up this morning with an awful cough. He goes on these coughing jags that usually include wretching and gagging. Not a good sign. And he's wheezing during the day now, rather than just at night. Since he was a preemie, our doctors are very careful about respiratory infections and viruses with him.
Update: The doctor said Ben has another ear infection and a bad cold. He's now on augmentin.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
No baby in the belly
No baby in my belly. The spotting yesterday turned into a regular period. :(
Oh well. We'll try more next time. ;)
Life is busy. Behind schedule at work, so I haven't had any time to blog. I miss you guys.
Oh well. We'll try more next time. ;)
Life is busy. Behind schedule at work, so I haven't had any time to blog. I miss you guys.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Baby? Are You In There?
I was spotting very lightly this morning. With Ben, I did that a couple days before I was expecting my period, and it was implantation bleeding. Either I'll start my period today, or I'll be pretty sure I'm pregnant by tomorrow morning.
Very slight cramps, but it feels like round ligament stuff. I'm peeing a little every time I sneeze, which is so annoying because I have a cold. So when I feel a sneeze coming on, I squeeze my kegel muscles so tight, when the sneeze comes, then I get all crampy. Darn.
Last night I dreamed I took a pregnancy test three times and it was always positive. So this morning, I took one. Negative. I haven't given up hope yet, of course. I'm not officially "late" until Thursday, so I can't reasonably expect any tests to work yet.
I've been talking to Ben a lot about having a baby brother or sister. I think he'll do okay with it. He's so young. He won't even be two when the baby is born. He loves the babies at day care.
Chester and I decided that once our mortgage pre-approval happens, we'll make an offer on the Climbing Tree house. I think we'd both be heartbroken if it was sold before we had a chance at it. It's a buyer's market, and this house has only been on the market two months... but it's the best one in that price bracket. If it appeals to us so much, of course it'll appeal to other people as well.
We haven't been able to submit the rest of our documents to the underwriters yet because we're waiting for Chester's W2 from Arizona. It takes about five business days for mail from Tucson to reach Wausau. Who knows how long it'll be for the underwriters, especially considering they'll have to work with a credit restoration company to figure out the MBNA "cancelled account" of Chester's. And the holidays will probably slow things up as well.
This waiting game kind of sucks. I'm not fond of insecurity. And I love and need to plan. Right now I can plan, but not realistically. For instance, I spent about two hours on Behr.com planning out what colors I'll paint each room in the new house. If Chester knew, he'd definitely roll his eyes. I'm also mapping out in my head what stuff we can pack now and what has to wait until the last minute.
Very slight cramps, but it feels like round ligament stuff. I'm peeing a little every time I sneeze, which is so annoying because I have a cold. So when I feel a sneeze coming on, I squeeze my kegel muscles so tight, when the sneeze comes, then I get all crampy. Darn.
Last night I dreamed I took a pregnancy test three times and it was always positive. So this morning, I took one. Negative. I haven't given up hope yet, of course. I'm not officially "late" until Thursday, so I can't reasonably expect any tests to work yet.
I've been talking to Ben a lot about having a baby brother or sister. I think he'll do okay with it. He's so young. He won't even be two when the baby is born. He loves the babies at day care.
Chester and I decided that once our mortgage pre-approval happens, we'll make an offer on the Climbing Tree house. I think we'd both be heartbroken if it was sold before we had a chance at it. It's a buyer's market, and this house has only been on the market two months... but it's the best one in that price bracket. If it appeals to us so much, of course it'll appeal to other people as well.
We haven't been able to submit the rest of our documents to the underwriters yet because we're waiting for Chester's W2 from Arizona. It takes about five business days for mail from Tucson to reach Wausau. Who knows how long it'll be for the underwriters, especially considering they'll have to work with a credit restoration company to figure out the MBNA "cancelled account" of Chester's. And the holidays will probably slow things up as well.
This waiting game kind of sucks. I'm not fond of insecurity. And I love and need to plan. Right now I can plan, but not realistically. For instance, I spent about two hours on Behr.com planning out what colors I'll paint each room in the new house. If Chester knew, he'd definitely roll his eyes. I'm also mapping out in my head what stuff we can pack now and what has to wait until the last minute.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Ho, Ho, Home & Maybe Baby
Just because I was on vacation yesterday doesn't mean that my work stopped piling up at work. I'm missing a deadline today, but it's just a matter of how badly I'm missing it. Since I've been busting my butt all day, I'm only about four pages short. Go Cheryl!
I brought Ben into work yesterday afternoon per request. Kind of felt bad. I was in my jeans, and everybody else had to be business casual since the corporate people were visiting. Oh well. People were staring at my son, not my pants. Ben was appropriately cheerful and happy. Very curious about everybody. We stayed here for about thirty minutes, dividing the time between Editorial where I live and Systems where Chester lives.
We start looking at houses on Saturday, but I still don't know what our realtor is going to show us. I emailed him this morning, but he hasn't gotten back to me. I'll give him a call in an hour if he hasn't responded. I'm very curious to see what he has in mind, considering he hasn't asked us any questions about what we're looking for. I'm hoping he's just working on intuition from the list of addresses and specs we gave him of houses we were interested in, but I have a feeling he's just a jerk who wants us to buy a house because it's best for him and his sellers rather than best for us as first-time home buyers.
We made a reservation at a hotel in Minocqua for Christmas Eve. My parents' house is already full for that night. And we didn't feel like camping out in sleeping bags in the basement.
I was too nauseated to eat lunch today. It could have been the sight of Chester's split pea soup that he insists on making with milk instead of water like a normal person, or it could have been the copious amounts of taco dip I consumed this morning since my boss's boss brought in yummy food treats. Of course I could just be pregnant. My left breast is a little sore and tingly today, so it has me wondering.
I could just be obsessing, though, and making up pregnancy symptoms. We had intended to "try" every night during my Fertyl Mertyl week, but by the third night, I was kind of burnt out about not getting to sleep earlier. We'll have to see if it was enough.
Tomorrow I pick up our Christmas cards from the copy place. I hope they don't suck. I hope they're wonderful. Now I just have to find the darn address list from last year and then ask my in-laws which ones moved.
I brought Ben into work yesterday afternoon per request. Kind of felt bad. I was in my jeans, and everybody else had to be business casual since the corporate people were visiting. Oh well. People were staring at my son, not my pants. Ben was appropriately cheerful and happy. Very curious about everybody. We stayed here for about thirty minutes, dividing the time between Editorial where I live and Systems where Chester lives.
We start looking at houses on Saturday, but I still don't know what our realtor is going to show us. I emailed him this morning, but he hasn't gotten back to me. I'll give him a call in an hour if he hasn't responded. I'm very curious to see what he has in mind, considering he hasn't asked us any questions about what we're looking for. I'm hoping he's just working on intuition from the list of addresses and specs we gave him of houses we were interested in, but I have a feeling he's just a jerk who wants us to buy a house because it's best for him and his sellers rather than best for us as first-time home buyers.
We made a reservation at a hotel in Minocqua for Christmas Eve. My parents' house is already full for that night. And we didn't feel like camping out in sleeping bags in the basement.
I was too nauseated to eat lunch today. It could have been the sight of Chester's split pea soup that he insists on making with milk instead of water like a normal person, or it could have been the copious amounts of taco dip I consumed this morning since my boss's boss brought in yummy food treats. Of course I could just be pregnant. My left breast is a little sore and tingly today, so it has me wondering.
I could just be obsessing, though, and making up pregnancy symptoms. We had intended to "try" every night during my Fertyl Mertyl week, but by the third night, I was kind of burnt out about not getting to sleep earlier. We'll have to see if it was enough.
Tomorrow I pick up our Christmas cards from the copy place. I hope they don't suck. I hope they're wonderful. Now I just have to find the darn address list from last year and then ask my in-laws which ones moved.
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