Friday, November 30, 2007


Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). Thank God It's Over.

I managed to successfully finish the month without a lot of junk posts. I tried to come up with something substantive every day, even if I did cheat slightly by working ahead a bit on the weekends sometimes.

Journaling my life every day is an interesting idea. Doing so publicly is kind of crazy, but it's a journey of honesty and self reflection. For me, it's also a test of my morality and my character. I try to live my life without subterfuge and deceit. I try to do things I could be proud of, and I try not to keep areas in my life that I would deem unbloggable.

Since quitting my job and staying home, I thought those character tests would dissipate. Not interacting with so many people every day would make it easier to be a good person because I'd be less likely to be catty, less likely to gossip, less likely to stress out over stupid things.

That's not really true, though I am less likely to do those things.

Staying home has opened up different areas to fail or fall short. Instead of judging my co-workers, I find myself more critical of my husband and myself. Instead of stressing out over stupid work stuff, I find myself stressing out over stupid kid stuff.

Blogging keeps me sane and keeps me honest. Reading other people's blogs demonstrates to me that other people are going through the same things, and I'm doing okay. I don't have to be a perfect stay-at-home mom to be a success in life, to be a good person.

I find grace especially in times when I disappoint myself. In the process of identifying where I could have reacted differently or where I could have shown more kindness, I'm learning to accept the roller coasters of life and the fallacy of perfection.

Though it would be nice to be the sort of mom who never snaps at her toddler or who never begrudges her infant another marathon turn at the breast, I know that I'm not alone in those so-called failures. I'm human, and blogging helps keep those instances in perspective.

One could say I'm blogging right now to avoid changing a monster poo diaper my son just produced. That someone could be right. Or one could say that I'm blogging right now to claim a bit of time during the day just for me... as a mother, but more importantly, as yet another person on this crazy ride called life. That someone would be right as well.