A long time ago, I read a hilarious post by Mom-101 about how people find her site. She logged funny or interesting referral searches that she found in the cookie that records stuff like that.For the past few months, I've been doing the same thing. The results are sometimes interesting, sometimes curious, sometimes sad and sometimes funny. I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.
Because my blog name is Red Pens & Diapers, it only stands to reason that a lot of those searches would involve the title.
The "diaper" searches were often the funniest:
"Diaper lover couches" (Um. Yeah. You lost me on this one. It's a big, gigantic WTF.)
"Hot boy diapers" (If you have a hot boy, have we got the diapers for you! I don't think they're talking about fevers.)
"Hot boy in diapers" (Now I'm starting to think that this is a weird sex thing.)
"Pain p--sing in diapers" (Okay. This one floored me. Maybe they have an allergy to diapers, but the word terminology was striking, and didn't seem like a parenting issue for some reason. Update: Apparently a couple of words in that search is the URL of a pr0n site. And I don't really want so many of those people looking at my kids.)
"Diapers sister OR mother OR brother" (Yeah. I don't know why a boolean search was necessary or what the heck was the real focus of this search. In my head, I prefer to think that they were just feeling "one" with their sanitary products, like you would with nature, i.e. brother fox, sister moon.)
"Snowmobile diapers" (I was immediately reminded of the astronaut who drove across country, wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop. I can only assume that it's the same concept here, and I find it icky.)
Parenting and pregnancy issues are pretty easy to explain. I've been pregnant and a parent while writing this blog, so naturally, I talk a lot about those issues.
Still, the following searches gave me pause:
"Crazy maternity clothes" (This actually gave me a great idea when I was trying to think of maternity clothes that would be considered crazy. What about extra long maternity tops that have crotch snaps at the bottom? That way when you lift your arms up, the bottom of your shirt won't ride up and expose your belly. But I think the google searcher was really looking for maternity clothes that include sleeves that let you hug yourself a lot, if you know what I mean. Right?)
"Didn't make it to the bathroom" (Oh honey. I've been there. I think most of us have and don't want to admit it.)
"I resent being pregnant" (I thought about this one for a while. You all know I wasn't the happiest pregnant lady. I was grouchy, tired, uncomfortable and hormonal. I think I'll have to admit that there was a lot of resentment that I had to go through the miracle of pregnancy in order to bring another child into the world. I really feel for the woman who did that search, though. She must have felt awful at the time.)
"What to do about a diaper rash that is bleeding" (This amused me, because I remember typing in the same query in the search box. I hope they were able to find some answers. It's a distressing situation to have a baby, especially a newborn, bleeding and you don't know what to do. It's not like you can put a bandaid on their butt.)
The "I wonder why people are searching for that" ones:
"Down-the-slide hair" (Of course this is referring to the static electricity that happens when kids or adults, for that matter, go down the tube slides. Why they would want to look it up, though, is beyond me.)
"She gained twenty pounds in her butt at least" (I end with my favorite, the search that made me start this list in the first place. Maybe it's a line from a movie that they were trying to reference. I like to think of two teen girls sitting next to each other in their computer lab, unable to actually talk to each other, so they are gossiping by typing stuff into their google search box and letting the other read it. So, to all of you Mean Girls-type girls out there, you're welcome here. I don't know why you'd want to be here, but whatevs. I'm out.)
