For My Anna, at four months plus

Oh Anna. You are four months old now. You are my last baby to turn four months old.

I think one of the neat things about only having two babies is that the first is so special because he's first. The second is so special because she is the last.

Everything that you do is tinged by a bittersweet sigh that catches in my throat.

Here's what you are like right now:

*** You love to interact with people. It's almost a frenzied obsession. I sit you up on my lap, facing me, and you look so deeply in my eyes, trying to catch a smile, the same way we look at you.

*** Ben is still enamored by you. He walks up to you wherever you are to say "Hi Baby!" He gives you his trucks, his choo-choos. If you cry, he finds your nuk. You soak it all up, staring at him, smiling and goo-goo-gooing.

*** You've started really going to town, playing with the spinny, rattly things on your walker tray. It's so neat to see your hands touch something, make it spin, and then your eyes track over to see what your hand is up to. It's like I can see the neurons in your brain making new connections.

*** You still totally empty my milk supply every evening, and then you demand a bottle. We just switched to regular baby bottles instead of the medela 4-oz bottles that we were using with the "disposable" nipples we got from the hospital.

*** You love the new bottles, and we love feeding you. Daddy loves the way you grab onto his hand that is holding the bottle, and he loves the way you look at him while you are sucking away. I love nursing you. You don't have much of a view, just my arm, really, but you like caressing it and exploring the parts of my body you can reach from your perch on my lap.

*** You are so darned verbal. So many coos and goos and gurgles. We love listening to you, and we love talking back to you, trying to get another delightful chuckle, another precious goo-goo.

*** I think my favorite time of the day with you is early in the morning, before five, when you get done eating and show no inclination to fall back asleep. I sit up with you in bed, and we smile at each other in the dim light. With a heart full of sweet sleepy dreams with you near me, I see you wake up to greet the still dark day. My little sunshine.

Skinny Meals Update

In the last couple of days, I've added recipes for my Hummus and Tuna Munchables and Skinny-ish Spaghetti on my Skinny Meals website. Enjoy!

Where I Come From

I am from the bow-bow chair, from Folgers, Lawry's seasoning salt and split pea soup with a side of buttered bread and Mister Rogers.

I am from the stucco house near downtown, the house on the hill, the house in the woods and the house at the end of the street with the misspelled sign. 

I am from the ancient lilac bush in front of grandma's house, the thick thorny blackberries that flourished under my youthful care until it bore fruit the size of my big toe.

I am from jigsaw puzzles in winter, saunas at sunset, well-deserved egos, from Tepsa and Martilla and Maki and Ylitalo.

I am from the tendency towards denial of negative situations, generosity of spirit, and singing in the car.

From toes are fishy food, daddy's gonna catch a weasel for breakfast, and very smart crows.

I am from evangelical Christianity and a chapter of Proverbs every day.

I'm from Wisconsin and the UP and Finland, Yooper pasties with rutabaga, squeaky cheese I still haven't tasted and "bannuguckwa" every week.

From my father's lumberjack years, my brother's panicked bike ride in the rain on Halloween, and the time my sister took off all her clothes on the neighbor's front porch.

I am from the sticky and stiff albums in my mom's living room, the boxes of treasures and homemade clothes, the elementary school report cards and pre-teen poetry, the princess dress I'm saving for Anna, and the picture of me my brother taped to his bunk bed.

You can do your own "Where I Come From" by following this template. No. I'm not creative enough to come up with this on my own, but didn't it turn out nicely? Happy Valentine's Day!

Mommy Matters! Makeover

I've had a lot of fun goofing off on my laptop the last couple days. No, I wasn't just playing "Mysteriez." I was putting together a new blog header for my friend Candace over at Mommy Matters! Check it out. 

If anybody else who reads me regularly wants her own fancy-shmancy blog header, request it now before I start charging for this stuff. :) 

Wordless Wednesday: The Ravioli Clap

Cheryl By Fours

Momma Val tagged me for a meme! Yay!

Four Jobs I've Had

* Hotel desk clerk
* Nanny
* Cafeteria wench
* CNA in a nursing home

Four Places I've Lived

* Stevens Point, WI
* Milwaukee, WI
* Manitowish Waters, WI
* Here

Four Places I've Vacationed

* Colorado
* Germany
* Florida
* Bahamas

Four Of My Favorite Foods

* Oatmeal
* Fruit
* Spaghetti
* Fajitas

Four Things I Like To Do

* Play catch with Ben
* Read
* Play word games online
* Fiddle with graphic design

And I'll tag Candace of Mommy Matters! to do this meme... and anyone else who needs to some easy blog material. Just leave me a comment to let me know you are playing along!

Can't. Seem. To. Get. It. Done.

Ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to get anything completed?

In reality, I did get a lot done this morning. I spend three hours taking pictures of clothes and then writing little tags on the images to describe them and then uploading the files to my FTP site. Why? In addition to the HUGE Freecycle lot of plus-sized clothes that I went through on Friday, I also received two bags of clothes that a teenage boy recently grew out of or tired of. And I have nephews. So you can guess my train of thought on that.

But my house is cluttered with half-finished tasks all over the place, and it makes me feel frazzled. It wouldn't take too long to sort it all out. Hang up the rest of the laundry and fold the next basketful. Pack up the broken VCR that's being freecycled. Wash the two loads of dishes that are waiting and congealing on the counter. Pull out the top layer of socks from the donation box and throw them in the laundry because the cat slept on them, and then put the donation box in the closet where she can't get to them.

It's one of those days when I wish I had a couple of servants who would keep coming back to my side, asking what else they can help me with, and could they please warm up my coffee for me. Why, yes. Yes, you can. That would be lovely. And could you get the broom and sweep up those dust bunnies that I can see peeking from under the couch? Thank you. On your way back from the kitchen, can you pick up the puzzle that Ben left scattered on the floor? Terrific. Thanks.

On the fitness front, Chris and I have both been holding steady for the last week. We haven't lost anything, we haven't gained anything. This is probably a result of our half-assed devotion to clean eating (a few cookies on Thursday, a dessert after our lunch date on Friday). We'll get it back in gear.

I know exactly where I've been slipping. That just-before-I-go-to-bed hunger graze that happens when I'm overtired. When I want chocolate but have two portions of fruit instead. When I shouldn't really but I have it anyway peanut butter sandwich.

Hey. At least you know I'm not lying about this weight loss journey. It's not all plummeting scale numbers and enthusiastic recipe cooking.

Ten Funny Things I've Read/Seen This Week

Mom, don't bother clicking on any of the links. You'll just end up sad that I have such a screwed up sense of humor. Instead, go look at a baby picture of me and sigh lovingly and longingly.

For the rest of you, I present in no particular order:

9 Most Badass Bible Verses on Cracked.com

25 Most Nonsensical Protest Signs on Cracked.com

3 Inventions to Make Parenting Easier on Inventorspot.com

6 Mind-Bending Ailments on neatorama.com

History's Strangest People and Events on neatorama.com
How Not to Tame a Preschooler on motherhooduncensored.com
Monkey Mask Bike Safety on boingboing.net
6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You on Cracked.com
5 Retro Commercials Companies Would Like You to Forget on Cracked.com
The ABCs of Love on neatorama.com

Mom Moments

You know you have watched too much Cars when you greet your baby with:

"Hi. My name's Mama. Like Tuh-mama, but without the Tuh."

*************

Anna slept in her crib last night until four this morning. I woke up several times to check on her breathing. It was amazing. Anyway. When she fell asleep in my arms later this morning after I fed her, I put her back in the crib, but left the door to our bedroom open so I could hear her.

Ben was running around the house like a rabid baboon, throwing his big red ball here and there, climbing up the stairs to throw it over the half-wall at the top. "Ball. Ball. Ball!" (Can you guess where this is going?)

All of a sudden, I hear Anna cry. I wasn't surprised, because sometimes when she wakes up, she's startled to realize she's not being held, and she gets a bit upset about that. I went into the bedroom to check on her, and when I saw Ben peeking over the edge (it's a packnplay with the bassinet insert), I knew he probably had something to do with her crying.

I found his big red ball right next to Anna's face. He had thrown it in the crib so she could take a turn with the ball. He probably had hit her in the head with it, waking her up. *Sigh and giggle*

*************

And finally, there's my helpful hints for dealing with a screaming Anna.

At my sister-in-law's baby shower, I received many comments about what a good girl Anna was, how surprising it was that she was content to just sit on my lap and watch the festivities. I smiled and said thank you, but secretly, I wanted to explain to them that she was actually a terror sometimes. I didn't bother because they probably wouldn't believe me. Who could believe that such an angelic beauty could ever give her parents a minute of despair?

Last night, I took my husband up on his standing invitation to watch the children in the evenings so I could go to the gym on my own for a workout. I ate dinner before he got home from work, and after feeding Anna one last time, I escaped the friendly confines of SAHM prison. When I got back 85 minutes later, Ben was eating dinner, and Anna was lying peacefully asleep in her dad's arms. But Chris was exhausted and frazzled.

Anna has had screaming fits in the evenings almost every night since her birth. Sometimes they only last fifteen minutes, other times, they extend for nearly an hour. It's very hard to deal with. It happens when she depletes my milk supply and is still hungry. She gets so upset, she won't take a bottle or the nuk. She just sits there, freaking out.

I asked Chris what he did to help her get through it, and he said he just held her tightly, patting her butt, offering the bottle and nuk every so often. Finally she passed out, soaked in sweat and exhausted.

He has seen me deal with her screaming fits in the past, and I've come up with a number of things that sometimes work on its own or in combination, but he forgets easily or doesn't bother trying and just sticks to the swaddle/pat routine. "It works eventually," he says with a sheepish look.

So I sent him an email containing strategies he can reference for Screaming Anna.

• Strip off all her clothes and start rubbing her limbs and belly. Gentle caresses are fine. Nothing very vigorous. Use lotion if that will make you feel more comfortable. Let her hang out for a while in just her diaper and onesie after you are done. She's just like her mommy. She doesn't like to be too warm, and she heats up when she gets upset.
• Stand up and walk around with her upright in your arms, bouncing as you step.
• Walk around with her, talking to her, showing her different areas of the house and different items in it. "This is the chair in the dining room." "This is the crying baby in the mirror. Her name is Anna, and we love her anyway." Etc. Speak in soothing tones, sing-songy.
• Strip her down again, only this time, have a cool wet washcloth nearby. Lightly brush it over her limbs. This is especially helpful after she's been screaming for a while and is all sweaty.
• Just let her suck on your finger for a while, the pad of your finger on the roof of her mouth. This has worked for me a number of times when she has refused the nuk and the bottle and the breast. There's something perfect about the shape.
• Keep changing her position, trying to interact with her, talking to her, making faces and expressions. Turn her around and show her the TV. Try to get Ben to kiss her. Go in the bedroom and turn on The Wiggles with Ben. Hold her while you sing, dancing around. The goofier the better.
• If she won't calm down and you are losing your patience, strap her into the bouncy chair or swing with the burp rag around her neck and the nuk in place. Then go downstairs in the basement and move laundry or clean the litter box. Make sure the dryer is on. You won't really be able to hear her. Chances are, by the time you are done with whatever you were doing, she might have stopped crying on her own. She might have passed out, but she might have just given up the beast or finally gotten the fart out. Either way, you will have had time to refocus and gather your marbles.
  

My ideas worked, not because he followed them to the letter, but because he started watching me last night, and it just "clicked" in his head. After I went to bed, Anna started screaming again, but this morning, Chris was happy to report it only lasted five minutes. He had figured out that she did wanted to be cuddled against him, but she still wanted her nuk.

He's learning how to parent by intuition, which is an art form. I'm so proud. I think once he starts doing that more, he'll enjoy his Anna time.

Skinny Meals Update

I've posted our recipe for Every Morning Omelets on Skinny Meals.

Progress Report: 21 Pounds

It happened a couple days ago. I was startled, and I ran around the house, jumping and leaping for joy. I think that's a pretty good indication of how much better I feel now. I was running and leaping for goodness sakes. A morbidly obese person isn't supposed to be able to do that. One day I was 18 pounds under... and the next, I was 21 pounds under. Time for pictures!

It's interesting to see how much and how little we've changed. I see more of a difference in me on the side view, and I see more of a difference in Chris on the front view. I realize that the angles are different for my pictures, so you can't get a true idea of the change. (Check out my new workout clothes. I had to return the ones I ordered assuming I was still the same size as before. Heck no. These are 1X instead of 2X, and even these are a little loose in parts.)

Video Post: Anna is a Wonderland

Nobody was injured in the filming of this video. I promise.

Ben's Dinner Time

Most of the time, we all eat together at the table. Sometimes if the timing isn't right, Ben eats in his high chair in the living room while watching a favorite show. We can usually get him to eat more if he's watching a show. It's a bad habit, I know, but when your goal is to fatten the kid up, it's okay. Hint to all overeaters out there: turn off the TV and you'll probably eat less.

I think we've succeeded in adding some fat to Ben's bones. We won't know for sure until we go for his weight check on Valentine's Day, but I see a little more roundness to his belly.

To commemorate this special time in our lives when we had to pretty much force Ben to eat as much as possible, I present a quick photo essay of Ben at dinner time.

This is Ben pouring ranch dressing on his slice of pizza. He's imitating Chris. This is before the Skinny Meals era, obviously. Ben didn't eat any of the pizza, and we had to give him a peanut butter sandwich instead later.

While I was fixing chicken breasts, broccoli and wild rice, Ben was eating more calorie-dense foods, like mac and cheese prepared with extra butter and whole milk, corn dog (he won't eat the breading) and corn niblets.

But breakfast is really his favorite. Take Monday morning's menu: yogurt, oatmeal and sliced apples. The front of his bib in this picture has a waterfall of yogurt down his chest. He loves to eat with a spoon, but as you can see, he tends to flip it upside down just before it gets to his mouth. This is generally okay for oatmeal, but has terrible consequences for yogurt.

Skinny Meals Update

Check out Skinny Meals. I wrote a product review of Quaker Simple Harvest Multigrain Hot Cereal.

In Honor Of Eighteen

It's been just about three years since I was a size 18. That was how long ago it was when I last wore the pants that I tried on yesterday. They fit! Snug, but they fit, and I was able to breathe and move around. I find it phenomenal that I have lost 18 pounds in just under one month. We started this whole thing on January 5th. And now I'm two pounds away from my first 20 pound goal. That's when I'll take pictures and measurements again.

In honor of being a size eighteen again, I present 18 observations of the last two days:

1. Ben randomly runs up to us now and tackles our legs. It's a typical toddler love thing, but it's a recent development for him, and I absolutely love it.
   
2. Changing a baby's diaper while she's sitting on your lap in the passenger side of the car (we were stopped of course) is not nearly as difficult as gingerly peeling off poop-soaked clothes and replacing them with clean ones, all while trying not to get the offending goo all over yourself.
   
3. I tucked the icy cold baby wipes under my breasts to quickly warm them so they wouldn't shock her delicate baby skin. I think that is one of the truest examples of a mother's love.
4. I have wonderful siblings. I had so much fun with my sisters yesterday at the baby shower. I wish they lived closer to me. They sort of kick total ass, and I wuv them dearly.
5. Driving to Appleton when the roads are snow-covered and slippery is a bad idea. Really. Driving back from Appleton when the roads are even more snow-covered and slippery is a worse idea. Daisy, you were out and about yesterday, so you know.
   
6. We lost count of how many cars we saw go in the ditch. Once, we saw a car actually fly into the ditch. It was a white-knuckled trip.
   
7. When we finally got to the church ten minutes late for the baby shower, I hauled Anna in right away. When I got to the room with all the baby shower stuff, I looked around and didn't recognize anyone, and the room was strangely decorated in blue. Wasn't my SIL having a daughter?
8. Apparently, within two blocks of each other, two baby showers were being held at the exact same time at two different churches.
9. When someone eats a whole scoop of frozen custard because that person's son absolutely refused to eat it himself, she works extra hard at the gym that night.
10. Moms of toddler boys often have little cars in various pockets.
    
11. Yesterday, I had no less than four.
    
12. When you incorporate more activity into your life (chasing my son at a dead run down the church hallway), eating a little slice of spice cake at a baby shower doesn't show up on the scale. My weight went down another pound and a half since yesterday, and that was with some minor cheating, ie cake. (We skipped the creamy fruit salads and potato salads and filled up on a turkey sandwich and a whole mess of fresh veggies... and three cocktail turkey meatballs).
    
13. I honestly think that I flipped a switch on my metabolism. How else to explain the constant weight loss?
    
14. I credit T-Tapp with this. Even though the 15-minute workouts are intense and exhilaratingly difficult at times, I end up with a huge burst in energy afterwards that stays with me for most of the day. It's not so much of a big deal anymore to jump up and chase after Ben or to make several trips up and down the stairs. And really, that's what the advertisements say will happen. I don't get tired as easily.
    
15. Anna's hair is changing from a dark brown to a medium shade of strawberry blonde. You can definitely see it in her eyebrows. I think with her deep blue eyes, it'll be a very attractive combination.
16. Today is my spa day at the YMCA when I get to spend two hours there with no children or husband. I could spend it lounging around in the women-only whirlpool, but I will probably bust my butt some more on the elliptical trainer and the bike.
    
17. I have this terrible urge to finally start chipping the tiles off of the bathroom walls like we had planned on doing last March. We put off finishing the bathroom makeover because of time constraints, but I'm getting very close to taking a chisel and a hammer and just going to town. I'm not quite sure what is stopping me, other than the inevitable mess and dust that I'll have to clean up.
    
18. My dear sister is pregnant again. She's sicker than a dog now, so we have high hopes for this pregnancy. She's finally gotten some relief from the vomiting by taken Unisom. I'm so happy for her on so many levels, though with her husband in the military, she faces quite a challenge with having two children around the house. I wish I lived closer so I could ease some of the strain.
    

And there you have it. My Eighteen in honor of Size Eighteen. Wooo!!! Now get up off your butt and shake your tail feather in celebration of my awesome progress! And for those out there who are struggling with motivation to get in gear and make positive steps towards your weight loss goal... just remind yourself of me. If I can do it, so can you! No fancy powders, no difficult diets, no heart-hurting drugs. Just clean, healthy eating and clean, vigorous activity.

Not Without Some Help

Note: I posted my recipe for Quick Tuna Salad at Skinny Meals today. Now back to your regular scheduled programming.

When the WIC receptionist told me I had to bring my kids with me to the appointment this morning, I kind of laughed to myself. After that "interesting" afternoon when I tried to take my kids with me to the Y to workout, I know now that I am just not cut out for single parenting... or dealing my children when I'm by myself in public.

So I avoid it. Like the plague.

Luckily, since it's bitterly cold here in Wisconsin, Chris needed to drive to work, not walk. So I didn't have a car, and that gave me the perfect excuse to ask my mother if she could plan the swing-through-town-and-kiss-the-babies visit for during my appointment so she could take us there.

And I'm so glad she was able to come with me. Everything was okay until we were in the office with the nutrition counselor. Ben grew quite bored with her plastic fruits and veggies, and I only had three matchbox cars for him to play with from his diaper bag. Apparently, that wasn't enough entertainment. I had to move my chair in front of the door so he wouldn't get out. He was fussing, and I was ignoring him, trying to listen to the nice lady tell me ways I could get Ben to eat more.

When he was "this close" to a full-blown meltdown, Nana offered to take him out to the lobby and let him play. I happily finished my appointment with a sleeping Anna in my arms.

Little did I know that Ben ran around the entire family services building a few times while I was busy. Up and down stairs, the elevator, in and out of as many rooms as had open doors, etc. Ran Nana into the ground. She even lost him once.

Some days, it's really obvious when Ben needs a morning nap AND an afternoon nap. I had hoped to just give Ben an afternoon nap today... but the stinker woke up at 5:30. So by 9 am when the appointment started, he was already overtired and not ready to be a good boy.

In other news, we had to go to the next size in diapers for Anna. This really isn't momentous news or really worth blogging about... unless you consider the size. Folks, her chubby little butt requires size four diapers now. She's three months old. My nephew Gage is over a year old, and he wears size four diapers and weighs more than ten pounds more than she does.

I'm having a hard time understanding this. Ben's size five diapers are kind of loose on him... and I was considering going back to size fours for him. But it's just too weird to have them both wear the same size. Sure, it's very convenient, but geez. My little girl has a big butt already.

Introduction To Skinny Meals

About a week into our new healthy eating lifestyle, Chris and I talked about starting a new, separate blog dedicated to food, healthy food in particular, food we create and make that suites our weight loss plan.

Today I posted the first recipe to that site, Skinny Meals. I tried a new recipe yesterday, so I posted about my experiences with that.

I'll let you all know when I add another post to that site, and you can visit it anytime by clicking the handy-duty button in the right column on this site. I also plan on doing product reviews of different food items and brands, and hopefully, I'll remember to take pictures of what I serve.

If you have any recommendations or suggestions for the new site, please let me know. It's a work in progress, and I'm curious as to what it might become. I'll also be accepting recipe submissions, but don't feel bad if I don't try yours. We're fickle people with a tight budget.

When Flying Feels Like Falling

I'm not sure I've mentioned our next planned trip. Later in February, I'm packing our bags and flying with my little family to Oregon to visit Chris's parents in their new home. Longtime readers may recall that Chris hailed from Tucson, the hot hellhole without leafy trees. Last summer, his parents announced that they were buying a house just down the street from his Grandma Dixie in Medford, Oregon.

We had already planned on making a trip to Tucson in January to visit the parents and show off the children. Since they aren't there anymore, going to Tucson on purpose seems silly. So the tickets are bought, and we're off to Oregon, a climate far better suited to this purebred Finn. They even got a big snowfall last weekend.

Flying with the children (with two layovers each way) will be challenging and adventuresome. My goal for packing is only one carry-on. I think I can do it with the right bag. I may find a little bag that Ben can carry himself and to keep his trucks and trains. But one big carry-on for the four of us. I'll be using my handy-dandy Moby wrap to carry Anna around.

We have a plan, we have a goal, and I'm scared anyway. I've never flown with children, and I've heard all the nightmarish tales of screaming children and infants, frustrated and angry passengers who didn't pay all that money to hear my babies wail, and horrible hold-ups at security check points.

That's why I'm looking at this as an adventure, not really a vacation.

Whatdya Think Now, Toots?

RC has the right idea. Why not give the ol' blog a new look? I made that header a few weeks ago, and I want to change it again... but I figured I'd see how things looked around here with some changes.

Update: I totally ignored the dishes and dirty floors and made a brand spanking new header. I like it much better. Suits me a bit more. I'm sure if I was actually trained in graphic design, it wouldn't have taken me four hours to create, but I managed to get it done.

An Evening's Entertainment

Though Dana's little boy has transformed into Super Dawson, Ben has become Benjamin the Great, magician extraordinaire. Just look at how he can make this truck disappear. "Where did the truck go?" "There it is!"

Anna and Nana Sitting in a Tree

We came back from spa week at the Minocqua homestead yesterday. My mom said she must not have done a very good job, since I lost another three pounds while I was up there (even with the turtle cheesecake dessert that Chris and I shared on our date night). That brings the total loss to 12.5 pounds. Awesome. I haven't been in the 220s since before I was married.

Tuesday morning when Nana arrived to pick up me and the kids, Anna was calmly swinging in the kitchen. Nana bent down to smile and her and say hello, and Anna just stared at her intently for five seconds. Then my precious daughter let loose a scream so loud and so soul scratching, you would think someone had just chopped off her finger with a rusty dull knife.

I rescued Anna from Nana's evil smile and we nursed for a little bit, and then Anna was okay with sitting on Nana's lap.

Such a rough start to our holiday. By the next day, Nana got her to giggle for the first time. Whenever Anna would see Nana's face, she would light up and grin and coo. Two peas in a pod, they were. Content to just sit there and study each other.

This picture does not show my mother at her best appearance, since it was before six in the morning, and she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet, let alone showered and dressed and put on lipstick. But I love how happy she looks holding my dear little Anna.

I didn't have the coziest of grandmothers. My mom's mom was very kind and homey, but she wasn't overly demonstrative or, well, any fun. My dad's mom was ... let's just say she also wasn't overly demonstrative and certainly wasn't homey or fun. I saw both of them a lot in my youth, but I never had warm, effusive relationships with them. (I should note that Anna looks a lot like my maternal grandmother. My siblings always refer to how she looks like a little Lempi, my mom's mom.)

I've known a lot of people who swoon over the mention of their grandparents. "Oh how wonderful!" "My grandma was my best friend." "My grandpa always took me fishing." etc.

I've seen my mom be Super Nana to my nieces and nephews, but watching her with Anna, I really get a sense for how important Nana will be in her life. Their connection is beautiful. I can totally imagine how Anna will reminisce about her early years with Nana.

Ben loves her dearly as well... but it's different. Ben is all energy and movement and squirming to explore and play. He's always been like that. Maybe it's just her current developmental stage, but Anna seems to be more interesting in communicating. When she's awake, she's always cooing and grunting and looking into your eyes to see your reactions.

We're heading off to do some cardio at the Y after we do a quick T-Tapp workout to get our engines running. We'll be exhausted, but it'll be so worth it. Combined, we've lost about 25 pounds.

When we had our date night, we didn't worry much about calories. It was our "cheat meal" to just sit and enjoy food and enjoy each other. Instead of going with the high-fat, high-calorie stuff that we would have chosen before, we went with what sounded the most interesting, something we hadn't tried before. We each tried a Greek dish. I had dolmades, and Chris had pastichio. We probably won't order them again, but we expanded our knowledge of food, that's for sure. We both fell in love with hummus on warm pita bread with cucumbers, tomato and lettuce drizzled in a dill vinegarette. It's a new way of eating for us, and we're loving it.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow

So I'm getting into the second night of my vacation here at Nana's. While it hasn't always been restful and stress-free (thanks to the children of course), it has been interesting. We've been learning all about T-Tapp this afternoon and evening, and we just finished the basic instruction video. It's really incredible stuff. Such basic exercises done a tiny bit differently. Makes all the difference. Just 15 minutes, and most of my muscles are fatigued and twitchy, and my body feels warm all over. Wow.

I miss Chris. There's no denying it. I miss having him near me, and I really REALLY appreciate how much he helps me in the evenings. I had such a hard time with Ben last night... being in a strange bed in a bedroom that he can get out of. Eventually, I was sitting in there with him, bawling my eyes out. I was so tired and miserable. And I knew the evening wasn't over yet. I still had to finish getting Anna settled for sleep.

I finally gave up trying to get him to stay in the bedroom and sleep. Really. I just stayed in bed and pretended I didn't hear him. I figured there weren't any guns or knives or scissors at his level, so just let him run around the dark house on his own until he passes out. I didn't care anymore. Luckily, Nana was still up, putzing around, and she managed to get him to sleep.

I am so darned dependent on my husband. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's a freaking saint. It's funny, though, what passes as love notes after nearly three years of marriage. Too busy to sit and email me, he's shown his love in other ways:

"Look honey. I made the bed."

"I'm packed up and off to the gym. I love you."

"All the dishes are done, too."

"Aaron was late because he got pulled over, so I had time to fix the gate."

Ahhh. Music to soothe the disgruntled wifely heart. He sure knows how to sweet talk a lady.

A Little Righteous Anger

I remember when I quit smoking a month before I married Chris. I set a date, I prepared myself with some chemical-free stop smoking aids, and I enjoyed my last smoke. That was it. I didn't smoke again. Yes, it was really tough, and one of the many reasons I won't light up again is because I don't want to deal with quitting again.

Since I wasn't relying on patches or gum to help me with the process, I made it a mental exercise. I went through the typical stages of grief. One of them was anger.

I was so angry for a while. I was mad at myself for smoking in the first place, and then I got really mad at the friends I had who were smoking when I started, and finally, I was mad at the tobacco companies for making such a harmful product just because they can and because after the first pack, the product sells itself because of addiction.

This morning I woke up mad. I'm mad at the fast food companies for thinking it's a good idea to serve us garbage. Sure, some people can metabolize that crap food, but even if they can, it's still not doing their bodies any good. Why can't convenient food be good for us, too? They need to get that sh*t off the menu, because the people who keep buying it can't help it. They are addicted.

I'm mad at burgers and french fries and soda and milkshakes and fried chicken and all of that other stuff that helped me get fat. I'm mad that they exist, and I'm mad that I ate them. I'm mad that I let myself get to be 241 pounds before I finally said enough is enough.

Today when I go out for lunch with my husband, you can be damn sure we won't be going through the drive-through at Taco Bell or Burger King. Never again. We'll be going to a nice cozy diner where they have low-fat options on the menu, where they offer egg substitutes for their customers, where the dressing is always served on the side, and where every sandwich doesn't automatically come with french fries. I don't know what I'll be inspired to eat, but it sure won't be garbage. It'll be food that will help me stay on the right track, the track that has let me drop a total of 10.5 pounds already.

Cars, Trains and Go-Go-Go!

It's a baby shower for Mothergoosemouse! I've been a subscriber of hers since the beginning of my blog career, and she's an inspiration and a gem... and she's about to become the mother of a bouncing baby boy!

Boys will always love their moms. In the early years, he is Mom's tag-along and best buddy. In a world full of macho images of what boys are supposed to be like, most little boys will privately revolt and spend time adoring all that is Mother. My mom once told me about a boy in her kindergarten class who would spend story time petting the softness of her panty-hosed feet. He craved the softness that mothers bring after time at home with his burly "my son will be a quarterback, not a sissy" dad.

The time will come when he no longer wants your kisses and hugs in public. You'll simply be a source of transportation and new toys and gadgets. But as adults? If you raised him well, his heart will come back to you. Both of my brothers are incredibly close with my mother as adults. They love her to pieces and would steamroll anyone who would dare to make her unhappy.

My son is two years old, and my life is jam-packed full of Cars, trains and racing. His energy is startling, and his obsession for choo-choos and gucks (trucks and cars) seems to be never-ending. But he still loves me dearly. I know this because he'll climb on the couch to be next to me, and he'll wrap his arm around my neck or shove it down my back. He'll lean his forehead against mine, and he'll leave me wet, sloppy kisses on my cheek. We'll spend minutes like this, cuddling and watching TV, his hand tangled up in my hair, wriggling around, smoothing out the curls against the nape of my neck.

Here's to you, Julie. You're in for a wild and crazy ride of fun and love and see-food and vrooom and honk-honk. Enjoy yourself, and don't leave his pee-pee exposed when you change his diaper, or you'll be toweling off the walls. And even though he has an outie, there are still lots of crevices and wrinkles for poop to hide, so be gentle, but clean well.

Wow, That's Old

Today is my mother's birthday, so I figured I'd write a post all about her in honor of her awesomeness.

I hope I'm half as interesting and half as kind as she is. That would be a great accomplishment.

When she's not busy being Super Wife to my father, she's being Super Woman of Christ to the women of the northwoods. She has a sincere desire to teach women about the values of friendships with other women, and how those relationships can help even the bleakest of lives shine. She does this by example, and she does it with grace and humility.

Though she doesn't have a full-time, paying job, she is busier than I ever was when I worked outside the home. How she finds time to be Super Nana is beyond me. Clever scheduling, I guess. Planning and preparing and oiling the wheels of her Women's Aglow group is very time consuming, but soul enriching.

Super Nana! She jokes that grandchildren are the rewards for difficult teenagers, and goodness knows she had a pack of those. I'm glad she feels rewarded by our children, and I know my brothers and my sisters try to bless her as often as we can. She's given her heart completely over to us, and even as adults, she's still a backbone of strength and generosity of spirit to us.

I love how she cares for my children. She knows all of Ben's little quirks and eccentricities, and she delights in him as we do. She's always patient with him, and she loves cultivating a life-long relationship with him. I can see it in her eyes and the way she interacts with him. She's there for the long haul. I appreciate every thing she does for them, and every minute she spends with them. I never had close, cozy relationships with my grandparents, and I am blessed by watching my children be blessed by time with their Nana.


And how she cares for me. I think now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I feel more connected to her than ever. She was a SAHM for most of my life, and that's the only way I remember her. When I'm baking cookies with Ben or even folding laundry, I feel her hands on mine as I do the same time-honored tasks women have done throughout history. She's taught me the dignity and grace and power there is in being a SAHM. She's one of my bestest friends, and I know I could call her and vent and whine and cry and laugh anytime, and she'd be right there in the moment with me.

She's the one who taught me that silliness is a perfectly reasonable trait in a parent. When I'm dancing behind the cart in the grocery store, shaking my butt and singing along with the store music, I'm just doing what my mom always did. Even the dullest tasks can be made interesting and fun if you inject a little joy into them.

We are all her legacy. My brother's determination and confidence, my other brother's love of books and sensitivity that he swaddles in burly machismo, my sister's irony-filled enthusiasm for life and mama bear tendencies, and me. There's not much about me that isn't an offshoot of her. Can you tell I'm one of her biggest fans?

I think her grandchildren are her greatest joy. Over the Christmas break, she was busy with snowmobiling and sledding with the ones that could spend their Christmas vacation with her. During summer visits, she loves to go go-cart riding, miniature golfing, swimming at the beach, and four-wheeling all over Upper Michigan. I'm not sure if the eldest has taught her how to snowboard yet, but it still might happen. She refuses to be the kind of grandmother that just greets the kids at the door with an apron and a plate of cookies (though the cookies are always available). She's a Nana of Action and Adventure, and she whispers to each one, "If things ever get bad at home, if your parents are ever mean to you, just give me a call and you can come stay at Nana's house for a while, and you can tell me all your secrets and dreams."

Her gaggle of grandchildren:

Six Random Facts About Yours Truly

Daisy over at Compost Happens tagged me for a meme that requires me to reveal six random facts about me. Let's see how I do with this.
Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
   

Here I go!

• I shaved my legs for the first time when I was nine or ten behind the garage. I cut myself badly and had scars for at least a year.
  
• I love Wisconsin, but it's 15 degrees below zero right now, and I find that to be a bit excessive on the cold scale, don't you think? I will be spending the day with my little family all holed up in my little house staying warm and snug. Do you blame me? The "feels like" temperature is 31 below zero, so says weather.com.
  
• Someone complimented me on my clutter-free house last week, and I swooned with pleasure and pride. I never thought that would ever happen, and a year ago, it wouldn't have been an apt description for my house. Since I became a SAHM, I made it one of my priorities to keep a tidy house.
• I don't mind washing dishes. I suffered from bad headaches and menstrual cramps in high school, and some holistic health book of my mom's suggested that immersing one's hands in very warm water can relieve pain. I'm not in any pain now, but when I first slide my hands into the water, I still have a feeling of overall wellness and health. After three sinkfuls, though, I start to think dishwashing sucks, no matter how good I feel.
  
• I had a dream last night that I woke up to find an empty potato chip wrapper on Chris's chest. I examined the calorie content and then punched him really hard in the stomach for cheating his diet so badly. It felt so real, though I'm pretty sure I'm awake right now, and there's no wrapper in sight.
  
• When I'm hurriedly toweling myself dry in the towel room outside the showers at the Y, I do not want to be approached by a naked old lady and asked what my tattoos mean.
  

Oh, who should I tag? Call me a rule breaker... I'm not going to tag anyone specifically. Instead, if you want some easy blog material, do this meme and leave a comment letting me know you did it, and I'll add your link at the bottom. Okay?

Playdate Fun and other news

We had Ben's best friend Luke over for a playdate last night. So Much Fun. They ran around the house like a couple of rabid banshees. Mostly, Chris and I watched and giggled, only becoming part of the action for a basketball game where they had to take turns dunking. Even Anna smiled at their exuberance on a couple of occasions.

The weight loss bandwagon is still trucking along. What's the point of falling off the wagon when the road isn't even bumpy yet? I've tried four new recipes: Turkey Burgers (5 stars), Butternut Squash and Onion pizza (4 stars), Stuffed Acorn Squash Supreme (2 stars from Chris, 4 from me), and Chicken Parmesan (5 stars). The chicken parmesan started out as eggplant parmesan with chicken, but turns out my eggplant had gone to seed and I forgot to add parmesan to the breading. So really it was just chicken sprinkled with mozzarella on low-fat spaghetti. But it was yummy anyway.

Tonight, the Mathis kitchen features Turkey Goulash from the Eating For Life cookbook. I'm excited to try another turkey recipe, since the burgers were a total hit.

We've both stopped recording our calories since we're good at knowing what our allotment is for a specific meal or snack. With how much I'm exercising, I'm creating a huge calorie deficit every day, so that explains the Six And A Half Pounds I've lost. Can I get a Wooohooo!?

In other news, next week will be the week of the break when I go to my mom's house for a few days. It'll be strange to leave Chris here for so many days (Tuesday through Friday), but I'm looking forward to the break and the change in focus. My mom and I will be trying the T-Tapp program together (you can thank Ask Moxie for finally convincing me to give it a try), and I'll be helping her purge her basement since that's the target of note with her weekly housekeeper lady for the next few months.

On February 2nd, we'll be driving to Appleton, WI to celebrate with a whole bushel of women at my sister-in-law's baby shower. Chris will be providing babysitter service during the shower. I think we'll both have a fun time. I'll have a few gifts for her, but I've also collected one bin and two boxes worth of baby stuff for her that I'm done with. Anna keeps growing, and she's breastfeeding so well, I'm relinquishing my breast pump to the working mother who needs it more.

Cute Ben Thing: He can say monkey clearly now, and it's just as precious as I imagined it would be. He giggles when I tell him to be a good little monkey, ala Curious George. We've watched Cars (Kucks) at least three times a day now for the last week. It's still his first request, then Thomas (Choo-Choo), then Wiggles (Weee-oh).

Cute Anna Thing: One of my favorite things she does right now happens when Chris hands her off to me when she's sleeping. I put her in my arms, nestled into my right elbow. She opens up her eyes a bit at the disruption, notices that it's Mommy who is holding her, and she grins like an idiot for half a minute before she accepts the nuk, burrows her head in and falls back asleep.

When Mommy is exercising, Anna gets an upper swaddle that also conveniently keeps her nuk in place. Notice how she is glaring at me. Someday she'll appreciate the effort I'm making to become healthier.

Not Really Bravery

So being brave is something like saving someone from a burning building or drinking the king's hemlock wine. Or, you know, going to war. I don't want to raise myself up to that level, because that would be petty.

All I'm doing is posting my "before" pictures. The pictures taken today, at the beginning of this weight loss battle, or a week and a half into the battle. We both have lost four pounds since our start weights, but they don't make much of a visual difference.

I don't know how often we'll take progress pictures. Maybe every twenty pounds. Haven't decided. Posting these pictures is a way of making us accountable to all my blog readers, because if we were to give up and go back to our old lives, it would be humiliating. The only thing really brave about this is that I'm risking negative comments, but I don't think I'll get any.

You're Welcome Here Anyway

A long time ago, I read a hilarious post by Mom-101 about how people find her site. She logged funny or interesting referral searches that she found in the cookie that records stuff like that.

For the past few months, I've been doing the same thing. The results are sometimes interesting, sometimes curious, sometimes sad and sometimes funny. I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.

Because my blog name is Red Pens & Diapers, it only stands to reason that a lot of those searches would involve the title.

The "diaper" searches were often the funniest:
"Diaper lover couches" (Um. Yeah. You lost me on this one. It's a big, gigantic WTF.)
"Hot boy diapers" (If you have a hot boy, have we got the diapers for you! I don't think they're talking about fevers.)
"Hot boy in diapers" (Now I'm starting to think that this is a weird sex thing.)
"Pain p--sing in diapers" (Okay. This one floored me. Maybe they have an allergy to diapers, but the word terminology was striking, and didn't seem like a parenting issue for some reason. Update: Apparently a couple of words in that search is the URL of a pr0n site. And I don't really want so many of those people looking at my kids.)
"Diapers sister OR mother OR brother" (Yeah. I don't know why a boolean search was necessary or what the heck was the real focus of this search. In my head, I prefer to think that they were just feeling "one" with their sanitary products, like you would with nature, i.e. brother fox, sister moon.)
"Snowmobile diapers" (I was immediately reminded of the astronaut who drove across country, wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop. I can only assume that it's the same concept here, and I find it icky.)

Parenting and pregnancy issues are pretty easy to explain. I've been pregnant and a parent while writing this blog, so naturally, I talk a lot about those issues.

Still, the following searches gave me pause:
"Crazy maternity clothes" (This actually gave me a great idea when I was trying to think of maternity clothes that would be considered crazy. What about extra long maternity tops that have crotch snaps at the bottom? That way when you lift your arms up, the bottom of your shirt won't ride up and expose your belly. But I think the google searcher was really looking for maternity clothes that include sleeves that let you hug yourself a lot, if you know what I mean. Right?)
"Didn't make it to the bathroom" (Oh honey. I've been there. I think most of us have and don't want to admit it.)
"I resent being pregnant" (I thought about this one for a while. You all know I wasn't the happiest pregnant lady. I was grouchy, tired, uncomfortable and hormonal. I think I'll have to admit that there was a lot of resentment that I had to go through the miracle of pregnancy in order to bring another child into the world. I really feel for the woman who did that search, though. She must have felt awful at the time.)
"What to do about a diaper rash that is bleeding" (This amused me, because I remember typing in the same query in the search box. I hope they were able to find some answers. It's a distressing situation to have a baby, especially a newborn, bleeding and you don't know what to do. It's not like you can put a bandaid on their butt.)

The "I wonder why people are searching for that" ones:
"Down-the-slide hair" (Of course this is referring to the static electricity that happens when kids or adults, for that matter, go down the tube slides. Why they would want to look it up, though, is beyond me.)
"She gained twenty pounds in her butt at least" (I end with my favorite, the search that made me start this list in the first place. Maybe it's a line from a movie that they were trying to reference. I like to think of two teen girls sitting next to each other in their computer lab, unable to actually talk to each other, so they are gossiping by typing stuff into their google search box and letting the other read it. So, to all of you Mean Girls-type girls out there, you're welcome here. I don't know why you'd want to be here, but whatevs. I'm out.)

A New Take On Life

We're all signed up for our membership at the YMCA now. Those lovely people were able to give us a fantastic scholarship, and we feel very humbled and blessed to receive it. We're going to go this morning for some time on the cardio equipment while the kids enjoy the mini-care.

As I was driving home from my IUD appointment yesterday, I went past Pizza Hut, advertising their latest deal. I thought about how I would feel to eat the pizza and knew I'd probably get sick from all the grease. My only regret was that I didn't indulge in a big deep dish pizza last week before I started my new life.

Then, something important happened. My mind jumped to ways I could enjoy pizza while still maintaining my healthy eating lifestyle. I thought of whole grain pizza crusts with diced veggies and low-fat mozzarella cheese. I started salivating at the thought. That's an important step for me in my re-prioritizing of life and food.

So my weight loss mantra today is: Re-imagine the foods you crave. Don't feel like a prisoner to your diet. Use it to your advantage and find compromises, or this new life won't be maintainable for long.

In other news, Ben had a blast on our Y tour yesterday. He loved climbing up and down all the stairs, and goodness knows there were a lot of them. He had a few moments where he didn't want to leave a certain area, but promising him more stairs did the trick to refocus his attention. I think he's lovely in this regard. It wouldn't have worked for me, that's for sure.

My Mirena IUD appointment was interesting. It didn't take long, but I was supremely uncomfortable since I have very sensitive innards. The cramping started almost immediately, and by dinnertime, I was crying so much I figured I'd have to go to the emergency room and make them rip it out. I sat with a heating pad on my back for a couple of hours, and that helped. As of this morning, I don't feel any pain. Hopefully, it won't return, and the trauma of yesterday afternoon would have been worth it.

We are definitely taking our before pictures today... and my weirdo husband actually wants me to post his before pictures as well. I thought he was crazy, since he doesn't even read this blog, but he says he wants the accountability, so I guess you all will get to hear more about his weight loss efforts, too.

Video Post: Ben Falls Asleep

We tried an experiment this week where we skipped his morning nap. It didn't work out so well. He fell asleep in his high chair during lunch twice. Here's a darling video of me trying to wake him up:

I Think I Need A Cookbook

Chris, as he's entering in his calorie count from dinner in his log: So, what kind of meat was that? Pork?
Me: *silence* *tears welling up* No. It was chicken.

Oh well. At least it was healthy, though I cooked the heck out of it and it was left incredibly dry. And I used the same seasoning I use on most meats: worcestershire sauce and minced garlic. Can't win them all.

Dude, where my honk honk?

I decided that one of the cutest things that Ben has ever done is how he says "Hongh Hongh" whenever he sees or plays with a car. It's easier to say "Hongh Hongh" than "Car" ... which he doesn't even bother trying to say anymore. Everything is a "Kuck."

He was not pleased during my hour-long step aerobics video this morning (900 calories burned + almost vomiting from the exertion = priceless). He kept tugging on me saying "Ch00-choo!" "Kuck!" In Ben lingo, this means that he's getting upset that I'm not letting him watch his Thomas video or Cars dvd.

When I was finally on the floor for ab work at the end of the workout, and he got tired of climbing on me for the ride (wow, talk about added work), he started pushing his Lightning McQueen car at my head. After a few minutes, I gave up on trying to do more abs, and I just laid there on my side, playing cars with him. He was happy that I was finally paying attention to him, and I cooled down.

Tomorrow is a busy day. In the morning, we all go to the YMCA for our meeting with the director lady. Then in the afternoon, I leave BOTH of the kids with Chris while I go lie on my back at the doctor's office while she sticks a Mirena IUD up my whacker. I'm not looking forward to it, and I'm anticipating pain. That area is very uncomfortable. I won't go into details. Let's just say my dread is warranted. But hey. At least that whole birth control thing is taken care of until we know that Chris's snippy-snippy was effective.

My latest mantra about weight loss is: No going backwards, just forwards. Tomorrow is a better day then yesterday. Today is better than yesterday. Keep moving forwards without doing stupid stuff that would put be back again... like eating ice cream or a juicy greasy cheeseburger.

Wordless Wednesday: Honk Honk and Not Silent

Honk Honk Honk.

Wordless, but certainly not silent.

Eeeennngggh. That's the Spot.

Can you feel the burn? Can you? Do you feel your muscles twitching as you hold that squeeze? Yeah. Right there. Right t.h.e.r.e. Okay. Now hold it for ten more seconds.

This morning when I was doing a The Firm workout video (those women are sadists), Ben started grunting and moaning. "Unnnnhh. EEEHHHGGGGNNNN!" Then I realized... he was imitating me. When the tempo is up and your muscles are getting fatigued... you know the feeling... all you can do is exhale sharply and moan and make a lot of unhappy noises.

By the way... have any of you seen 2.5 pounds anywhere? I've lost it It's disappeared. I'm not really that proud of the loss yet. I'll be more convinced or pleased with a scale move after two weeks, when I can be sure it's not just due to less water retention. I am pleased the scale is going in the right direction.

A new helpful mantra I have been repeating is "That's not hunger; that's a craving." I can brush off cravings, but emotionally, I respond to hunger. If I know my body doesn't need more fuel, what I'm feeling is just a craving that is from a food addiction.

In other news, my forced vacation when Chris goes away for training has been pushed back to March. That blows. It was such a nice excuse to go to my mom's house for a few days. Now I have to go to my mom's house with no other excuse other than taking time for me, which is a great reason, but one that I know a lot of mothers feel some guilt about even though they shouldn't.

I'm thinking about next week. My mom could drive down and pick us up, and then Chris could go up on Friday to spend the night and drive us back the next day. We could go snowmobiling... that is if all the snow doesn't melt by then. This warm spell is doing nothing good for the snowmobile trails.

On the children front, I came up with a good "fix" for Anna's wailing spells she has every evening last night. I don't know if it will work again, but it gave us peace last night, and that's worth a lot. She wasn't responding to a diaper change, an offered breast, bicycle legs, rocking, swaying, bouncing, swaddling, sensory taming, etc. Nothing. Until I stripped her down to her diaper and started gently massaging her all over while singing my "Itsy Bitchy Spider" song. She calmed down immediately. I kept it up for over 30 minutes. Then she went to sleep like a little angel in her swing.

"Itsy Bitchy Spider went up the baby's bed.
Down came the hand and squished the spider dead.
Up came the sun and fried up all the legs.
Now the Itsy Bitchy Spider won't bother Ben again."

Stamina Or Something Like It

We're on day 2 of eating well, and our new lifestyle seems to be all I'm thinking about. I probably changed too suddenly yesterday. The meals I prepared yesterday were SO healthy, we were both feeling ill by the evening, suffering from sugar and fat withdrawals. I had a splitting headache throughout the night last night, and I was sick to my stomach this morning. (I refuse to contemplate the possibility that I'm pregnant, so don't even both mentioning the idea). Because I'm nursing, I allowed myself a piece of American cheese on my egg white scramble this morning, and I'll have a spoon of peanut butter later.

Life is moving along at a steady pace, regardless of any lifestyle change. That is to say, nothing much is going on.

One of the reasons I listed for this life adjustment was that I wanted stamina. Stamina for life and for children and for movement and for activity. I know that feeling healthy and fit and strong provides stamina. Like so many other things, I need stamina to get stamina. I need to move in order to move easier. I need to eat in order to reduce cravings.

So my mantra is Baby Steps. As long as I stay with the plan of eating right and taking baby steps towards more activity, I'll still be proud of me.

Cute Ben Things:
Anna was in her swing yesterday, and Ben was "helpful" by wiping her face with her burp rag. She started screaming from all of his helping. He's starting to tell us things now. Last night, he was explaining about how his cars go down the track. Sure, he didn't use sentences, but I knew what he was talking about. "Guck" "Whee!" "Guck" "Whee!" "Honk Honk!" He used the motions for it, too.

Cute Anna Things:
Her smiles are so precious. She's just starting to coo a little, that is, making noises that aren't her usual grunts. She also has the most precious pout when she wants something that she's not getting immediately, but she hasn't started screaming yet. Mostly, I just love watching her facial expressions and admiring the color of her eyes. She kicks a lot now, and she stretches and squirms to get into a better position while she sleeps nestled against me at night. She'll also put her arm over her eyes when she's trying to sleep when the lights are on.

What Am I Weighting For?

Candace, a bloggy friend who has become quite dear to my heart with her honesty and joy and love for her daughter Anna, has made this year the year for weight loss. We're in the same sad boat, about 100 pounds to lose.

I wasn't going to make any resolutions this year. I don't, usually. If something isn't important enough to me to make a change without a calendar date change, I know I won't stick to it. When I quit smoking, my motivation was to marry Chris and get pregnant. I'm still smoke-free. When I decided that I'd start keeping a tidier house, my motivation was having a house that is always clean enough for company (or close to it).

I've tried to lose weight many times over the last ten years since I started piling it on. The most weight I've lost is 30 pounds on the Body For Life program. This program has worked well for several people in my family, including my mom who totally changed her body shape on the program and has pretty much kept it off, despite a recent gain due to her knee replacement. I'm just not feeling it anymore. It's become too much a vehicle for EAS to sell their products, all of which are too costly for my budget.

My mom has also loved Weight Watchers, which she used to get back to her goal weight a couple years ago. The concept is good, and the eating plans are solid, but I'm not keen on spending money of the privilege to go and step on a scale every week. It's like I'm just paying for the accountability. And money is something I don't have.

So how will I do it this time? Baby steps. I'll start my cooking more and cooking healthier, more balanced meals (like always including a serving of vegetables) and chopping my portion size in half. I'm picking up some workout videos tonight from a lady who responded to my Freecycle ad. And we have an appointment to meet with the YMCA lady about financial assistance, though I'm totally bummed that drop-in care for my kids will cost me 4.50 an hour. I can't really afford that more than a couple times a week. I guess I hoped it was free.

I also signed on for Discovery Health's National Body Challenge. It will help me keep track of my goals and give me good ideas for integrating wellness into my life and my family. I want to change my lifestyle first and foremost, not necessarily lose weight, though that's also a goal. The intensity of my effort will translate to weight loss.

On their website today, they challenge us to write down five reasons I want to change, in order of priority. So here are mine:

1. I want to live a healthier, more wellness-focused life.
2. I want the stamina to play with my children.
3. A healthier body means a healthier mind.
4. I need to take responsibility for my body.
5. I want to set a good example for my children.

I'll post my starting measurements and before photo when I have them ready. Wish me luck!

Ben's Virtual Birthday Party

Ben turned two yesterday. It was such a busy day. It started out with breakfast and then an early nap while I decorated the dining room for his birthday lunch.

The curtain of balloons was a big hit. How to decorate for a toddler birthday
with less than five bucks? Try balloons and some twine. It was very festive.

Even Anna got in on the fun...


She was the perfect height in the bassinet to kick and punch the balloons. She really loved lying there, staring up into all the pretty balloons.

When it was time for lunch, Chris came home with Culvers for all of us. Ben ate the hotdog portion of his corndog, and then we cleared the table for CAKE!!! Ben was very excited about the candles. He said, "Ooooooh!" But would he eat the cake? No. Of course not. I tried to give him a taste of the frosting, but he would have none of that. He did touch it a little, but he refused to try a bite, even though we told him it was like candy and cookies.



After we gave up on the cake, it was time to open some of presents we had for him. We were very surprised with how many presents Ben got for his birthday. We weren't really expecting any from anyone other than Nana. Of course, all of the presents were awesome and total hits.

As I type this, he's playing with his new instruments and watching a Nick Jr video. I've never seen Lazy Town and the Backyardigans before. I have to say, I think I could have survived without seeing them, but Ben is fascinated. This morning, we've played with his new Cars items and rolled his Thomas trains around the end table. He pushed on his new noisy truck right next to Anna's head while she was nursing, and he's raced many cars down his swirly race track.

Back to the party... he didn't stop playing with his new toys until I dragged him upstairs for a nap at 3. He didn't sleep much, and he had a meltdown because I wouldn't let him play with his new choo-choos in bed. He finally slept, but I had to wake him up at 4:30. Because... we had some very exciting plans for the evening!

Nana arrived around the same time Chris came home from work. There was much flurry as we got everyone ready to get out the door, and then Luke arrived. Yay! Luke really loved batting the balloons around. I'm pretty sure he thought they were the neatest things since play-doh and cookies.


Off we went to the Wisconsin Pizza Factory a few miles outside of town. It's like a low-key Chuck E Cheese. The boys didn't end up eating anything; they were too excited to get up on the big tower obstacle course. They raced up and down that thing for a solid 80 minutes before we bundled them back up into their coats to go home. They waited until their coats were back on to finally eat a bite of pizza. :)

Nighty-night time was nice. Ben and I watched some Thomas while he rolled his trains around on the sofa. Chris tucked our two-year-old boy into bed finally, and Ben sighed and passed out. So ended our day-long birthday party. I think I was as exhausted as Ben.

Wordless Wednesday: Attached

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Ben's Birthday Breakfast Entertainment

To start off Ben's birthday right, I made him his favorite breakfast: cheesy eggs. While we were sitting at the table, enjoying the meal, Ben started singing. Mind you, it's atonal and total gibberish, but it's singing. That's when I got the camera. For this video, you catch the tail end of the performance, then he starts playing peekaboo with Daddy and Anna. He provided all of the entertainment for his birthday breakfast!